My dream house

I was fantasizing about living back in Seattle or more specifically Bainbridge Island - that's where I'd want to live if I moved back to Washington State. It's close to the ferry to Seattle (where I'd want to work) and close enough to my parents so that they can visit me & the Bambino and vice versa. So, as I was fantasizing and searching through apartments and houses that I'd like to rent I decided to take my dreams a little further and peruse the real estate for sale section.

Some houses were clean, modern and very simply which I enjoy and then there was this house:I love, love, LOVE old houses. My last place (Salem, MA) was built in 1854 and habitated by an Irish rope maker. I loved the farmer's sink, the garden, the fact that I even had some kind of land outside my door, the quirky fireplace. It was such a cute little cottage but not very toddler friendly.

Back to the other house: it's a beautiful early 1900's house with plenty of space for a family (even my 2 person family would be comfortable and welcomed in this huge space - I mean who knows maybe I will add on to this family?). It has gorgeous lands with an organic garden, trees that could be eaten, and sneak peek views of the Washington State Ferries.

Actually, I love the street that it's on, I once babysat for a family on the same road and I instantly fell in with their housee too. They had had so much sun light coming into that place but it was still breezy. Their children could run-amuck on their little bit of property. AND they could easily walk to the ferries to have some fun in the city. So...awesome neighborhood.

From the looks of the pictures it looks like this house gets some great light too:

But screw the lighting (although that's very important to me, I hate living in a dungeon) take a look at why I fell in love with the house:
I'm not in love with the pink but I love the paneled walls, built-in shelf, and door. It's such a perfect place for a child to create in with the beautiful views outside, hide in away from the noise of the main floor, and just grow up in.

If we lived here this is where the Bambino would hang out. I love the color, although if he wanted a different color I'd be cool with it but I would have a good couple of years before he developed and voiced his decorating opinions. Seriously folks, would not a child just love sleeping and being in that room?

I guess the main reason I love and now deeply yern for this house is because it reminds me of the farmhouse in Norway. Besides being snuggled up next to the Bambino or by the ocean that Norway farmhouse is my most favorite place to be in the world. When I was at the farmhouse I just felt like I had been there before; everything felt so familiar. Even though I'm just looking at this house through photos I still feel like it would be a great home - something I hope to provide for the Bambino someday.

Though I'd fix the bathroom wallpaper and a few other things - it would be a fun project that house. How fun would it be to maintain the organic garden and enjoy the juicy freshness of everything that we pulled up? I'm thinking pretty lickin' good fun.

So why is this house up for sale? This beautiful dream home? The family's children are enrolled in a Waldorf School in northern California in September hence the migration and needing to sell.

If you're interested in purchasing the home click here for more information I will half hate and half love whoever buys the place. I will loathe them because they are living in my dream home but I will adore them for helping out the family and wanting to not just live in but cherish that house as much as I imagine I would.

A gal can dream.

Are you living in your dream house?

The Clapping Bambino!

The Clapping Bambino!
Originally uploaded by RestlessMama

Here's the Bambino clapping on request - and trying to say "hi." He's sooooooooooo stinkin' cute I sometimes can't even deal.

Watching videos and looking at his photos are what get me through those long or tough days at work.

What do you do to stay level headed through your days?

Throne Thoughts

When I was pregnant I used to just hide in any of my company's bathrooms for some peace and quiet, alone time, and to think about nothing. Funny thing is some of greatest thoughts come from sitting on the john but the other thing is I usually forget about them and thus my mediocre existence. *wink*

So perhaps I shall dedicate a weekly posting on, Thoughts from the Throne. What do you think? Perhaps I'll finally find my way back to Genius-ville, where I only resided while I was baking in the womb.

This week's thought besides coming up with this brilliant and awkward idea is:

What is your most embarassing toilet moment?

Mine is when I just started peeing with the public bathroom door open in front of a residential counselor in college. It's not so much that the door was open because he couldn't see me but that I left it open so that he could HEAR me peeing. As soon as he heard the first inkling of trickling he politely closed the door. Oops! I guess my bathroom modesty was nonexisitent even before the Bambino came into my life.

(Photo taken at a friend of a friend's house while I was living in Boston)

Sleeping like a baby...

***Disclosure: Yes, I sometimes co-sleep with my son but when we are sleeping there is no blanket present, mainly due to the fact that it's a tad bit warm to have one. Also, yes I do sleep with 3 pillows but one pillow is always under my head, and the others are at the head of the bed and usually against the wall. Please note that my son has been at a stage in his infancy where he is able to roll over and prefers to sleep on his stomach for a few months now. I sometimes cover him up with my blanket while I'm getting ready in the morning to keep him warm without my body heat and I'm always in the room when he's asleep on my bed. I NEVER leave the room when he's asleep on the bed. For the majority of the time he sleeps in his crib these days.***

One of my favorite things to do is watch the Bambino sleep...with his bum up in the air. He also likes to sleep right against the crib bumper, perhaps it's like cuddling up next to someone for him but my favorite is watching him sleep with the hiney raised up like this. I also love to snuggle with him in the mornings when he wakes up. Sometimes he even falls back asleep after some good snuggle sessions. And he is the best snuggler in town, better than any ex-boyfriend. He loves to wrap his leg around me and throw his arms on my arm...he'll sometimes push and move my arms around so that he can wrap his arms and legs around them. He just loves, loves, LOVES to be held and cuddle.

I really love that about him.

He loves his pacifier. The Bambino is able to sleep without the pacifier but MUST fall asleep with it in his mouth. Does that make sense? It does to him.

I wish I could've caught the light better in this photo because it was a very beautiful morning; just as the sun was rising. He looked (even more) so angelic than he already looks.

What are some of your favorite things about your child?

Wishing for what is not...

...but could be - just gotta work my ass off!

Here I am now:

Very, very round face...definitely lookin' heavy.

The arms! Oh the horror of the flabby arms! Thankfully, the dress and the Bambino hide my stomach - not a pretty sight. Right now I weigh 221 lbs. Ack, just a few pounds away from my pregnancy weight! The heaviest I've ever been. It's not pretty or healthy.

Here's how I looked at 8 months pregnant:

Not too fat lookin' - good and preggers. Sorry Brooke, I know you hate this picture - blame the fact that I didn't take very many preggo pictures with the Bambino so I had very few choices (an actual regret that I have - well if I ever have more then I will have learned my lesson). I'm about 215 lbs here.

Here I am a few months after my return from Norway:

With the Workman Cousins: Micah, me, Charity, and Faith. Not too shabby, I came back from Norway weighing around 155 lbs. and gained a few more like 10 around this time. Don't my cousins look like models? Yeah, they're gorgeous.

Here I am just before leaving Norway (forgive the goofy look, I wasn't really into have my picture taken):

Right before I left Norway I weighed around 190 lbs and left weighing 155-160 lbs, which was awesome. Credit to the massive amounts of walking, cross country skiing, and eating healthier than I did in college. It was also helpful to live with such an active family and surrounded by fresh out of high school gal friends who still had their fresh out of high school bodies.

Speaking of high school bodies; here I am at 14-years-old:Now some of you may say to yourself - 14? Why are you posting a photo of yourself at 14?!?!?! Well folks, this is what I looked like throughout high school. I left weighing 130 lbs. I wore a size 10 (I had a J-Lo bum), played soccer 6 days a week (Fridays were off days) for 2 hours each day. During the summer I'd always lose around 10 lbs because we played more often and had tournaments with multiple games a day on the weekends. So, it was easier for me to stay in shape.

What happened? No self-discipline happened. As soon as I left for college I gained the weight. No parents to monitor when I had candy or how many breakfast sandwiches I could eat. Actually, I did a lot of ups and downs during my days at university - sometimes I was able to lose it and sometimes it just stuck. Before I left for Norway it definitely stuck. It also didn't help that when I turned 21 I drank like a lush and ate like there was no tomorrow. Basically, my lifestyle wasn't beneficial for me at all.

After having the Bambino (in Boston) I was losing some of the baby weight because I was breastfeeding the Bambino, didn't have time to eat (which totally frusturated the milk production), commuted to work which meant I would walk up and down Beacon Hill's, Joy Street, everyday and walked home from the train station everynight. And then....

I moved to Hawai'i, land of the plenty papayas and...lau lau, almost everykind of asian foods, kalua pig, rice, rice, rice, manapua, musubi, mochi, and did I mention rice? And with the driving everywhere, sitting on my ass at a desk all day, and no more Baby Boot Camp (sad, so, so sad) I was bound to get F-A-T!

So now I have a goal and a mission.

Coming soon to a scale near you: Project Goal Weight.

What do you do to stay in shape?

Fotes: Unpicniked

Some random raw photos of the Bambino and moi - though I do plan on fixing them I just wanted to share them the public.

Here's the Bambino crawling around trying to get to my camera - I like that he looks a bit like me in this photo. Yes, that is correct I want my child to look like me, I mean how else are people going to believe that this beautiful, peach bum Bambino was shot out of a polynesian's va-jay-jay? Perhaps it's time to do a photo comparison of me and the babe?

Heia for Poulsbo, my little Norway. I miss home. The Bambino's Poppie, the Bambino, and I went walking around downtown; it was cold but sunny. Forgive me for being less creative with the words but I'm just not drinking the word juice right now. Anyway, I loved walking downtown with my dad and the Bambino - my two favorite fellas. We miss you Poppie! (and Grammy Tutu)
Me and the Bambino again. I posted this to show how I had almost lost the majority of the babyweight: my face was almost back to normal, my legs, definitely not the tummy in fact that's where the leftovers were hanging. So it was awesome I was on a good path to losing the poundage until I came to Hawai'i where I sit on my ass at a desk all day, DRIVE to and from work (versus the commuting and walking that I used to do), and well I also went OVERBOARD with the food. It had been 10 years since I had tasted the goodness of my homeland in my homeland. What's a girl to do? Start a new project but that's in the makings right now so more shall be revealed later.

How do I get this thing to open? The Bambino loves to play with his food and he's so great at trying to figure things out. Fortunately he wasn't able to open the jar of baby food but I suspect that if I handed him one everyday, he'd figure out within a week. Anyway, he made sweet music banging his spoon on the jar - do I sense a rockstar in the making?

You can't tell very well but he's playing with some oatmeal I slabbed on the tray. He was getting irriated with me so I just showed him who was boss but throwing some food on his tray so that he could have free reign on the messiness. Happy 4th of July Bambino.

I feel as happy as a donkey named Eeor! Seriously mom, do you need to continute to take these incessant self portraits of us? Do you not realize that I want to drool and chew on your camera until it is malfunctioning so that you STOP with the photo taking? Do you get it ma? Plus I don't like that it looks like I have girl hair. In fact when I'm older I'll get you back for even posting this photo. Can you say dentures?

He really does love me, I swear.

Who wants to see a cute baby???

Apparently you do! And I don't blame you I mean look at those chompers! The eyes - man they tell a great story. And those cute little baby cheeks?!?! I just want to kiss them and then pinch them and then kiss them again.

That is one seriously cute Bambino!

Tersha Brown, Rest in Peace

Tersha Brown

I met Tersha in Mr. Breaky's (sp? can't remember that far back) 6th grade class at Poulsbo Elementary School. To me she was the kind of girl that I wanted to compete with, be friends with, and just plain ole hang out with. The girl was full of spunk and just couldn't be stopped.

I"ll be honest and say that I don't remember what she was like in high school, mainly because she switched schools (though she would come visit and hang out with the NK crowd every so often) but also because we weren't close friends. Regardless, I knew her, I feel for her family and she deserves to be honored and respected.

The reason I feel for her family because I look at her passing from a few perspectives: as a 26-year-old girl who was in a toxic relationship, a sibling, and as a mother. I'm not totally confident that Tersha was in a toxic relationship but I'm assuming so considering how she passed but I'm so thankful that in my last relationship, with all of the toxicity both parties were able to come out not alive but also not totally damaged by it.

As a sibling, I'm not sure how crazy I would get if anyone hurt my brother or sister - ballistic I'm sure but perhaps beyond that. My family is my life and I'd want to do anything I can to protect them. A huge part of me would feel as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest and my head would feel as though it's on fire.

Then as a mother...a tsunami of emotions would consume me with the news of hearing that my child had not only passed but killed by another human being. The thought of anyone wanting to hurt anyone is unfathomable to me and so the news would not be real at first. Whoever is telling me this is joking right? Anyway, I won't get too into it but I imagine that if my child ever passed it would feel like a huge, HUGE part of me would be dead. I'm hoping I never have to go through that.

So to Tersha Brown, I hope that you are able to find some peace and are in a place of serenity but still bustin' out your gentle and fireball personality.

For Tersha's family, my hope is that you are not only able to find peace but continue to have hope in humanity.

To read the Kitsap Sun article please click here.

(Image from the Kitsap Sun)

***Update: In lieu of flowers for her family they request that you donate to the Kitsap County YWCA in support of women seeking help out of abusive relationships.***

Questions of the universe

Q: Of the two, for who is single parenting easier?
a) Single mother who started from pregnancy?
b) Single parent from a divorce?

This question was raised while I was interviewing someone for an article this past Saturday. It's a great question and a good point. Different types of single parents exist in our world:

• Single mother from unplanned pregnancy
• Single mother from planned pregnancy [read artifical insemination]
• Single mother by choice adoption
• Single mother from a divorce
• Abandoned single mother
• Widowed single mother
• Widower(ed?) single father
• Single father from birth - the mother either abandons or simply chooses not to have custody of the child
• Single father from a divorce
• Single teen parents

So who is it easier for?

Also, I've noticed that there are more and more teen pregnancies happening in Hawai'i but does that mean that the majority of single parents in Hawai'i are teenagers? Or are they older single women with unplanned pregnancies or divorced single parents?

I'll be exploring these questions for awhile and will be following up on my Examiner.com page which sadly hasn't been updated for some time.

Unsolicited advice from cranky solicitors

Thankfully since my start of motherhood I haven't received much unsolicited advice on how to raise the Bambino but those few times that I have...oh man do they sting.

Cranky advice giver - Do you understand why you have nightmares about accidentally forgetting your son? Or why you have guilt issues of not having a father in his life? Do you realize that you're only hurting him but not going out? You're going to turn him into a Mama's Boy! [read, "Do you get that I'm pretty much calling you an insufficient & inefficient mother?]

Me - Uh...buh?!?!

It's usually (older) family members who prick their venomous stingers in my chest and (forgive the mixed metaphors) pound you with a club on the head making you inable to respond with any kind of rational response. Now I'm not sure if this family member just said this because they were upset that I didn't go out shopping with my other family, leaving the cranky family member with alone time with the Bambino. I don't care what their reason, I didn't ask for their advice and probably never will considering certain facts.

People tell me to take anything that people say, in a negative form, with a grain of salt. Easier said than done when it comes to family. For me I want to honor my family and make them feel secure and confident when it comes to me. Sure I've done a few things in my past that some would consider flaky but if that's the worst that I've done then so be it.

Yes, I'd rather hang out with my son on the weekends than go out and party or go shopping. That's what parents do, they teach their children, discipline them, laugh with them, hug them, provide for them, and love them. Just because I'm a single mom doesn't mean that I can't do all of all of those things. Couple parents vs. single parents - that shouldn't even be allowed to be uttered. Parents are parents and the majority of them do their duties the best that they can, whether they're single or partnered.

I had nightmares of forgetting the Bambino because that's what a lot of new mothers do - they fear that they just might fuck things up. My pangs of guilt of him not having a father influence currently have subsided because he's got my brother, my uncles, and his Poppie to be the male influences that he needs. I don't leave the Bambino much on weekends because that is the only time that we can have a good amount of time together plus when else am I going to get the chance to swim with him in a lagoon or watch him take his first steps? And if he becomes a mama's boy then so be it, most guys are anyway.

How do you handle unsolicited advice?

Revolt of the throne

Every morning, like almost every human being I know of, I get up to use the toilet. And every morning the Bambino screams and pounds on the bathroom door while I'm on it. Now I'm sure I could leave the door open and let him roam around in the bathroom, try to climb up my leg while I do my business but the toilet room is supposed to be the ONE place that I can be in peace but nooooooooooooooooooo...

It's seriously like there's a revolution going on outside of the door with all of the door banging and baby hootin' and hollarin'.

So these are some things I've tried to distract him while I do my thang on the throne:

• Laid out his toys to play with right in front of the door so he's close to me but occupied and not in the bathroom with me;
• Put him in the living room, turn on the Baby Einstein, and plug him with his morning bottle;
• Opened the drawers in the closet (it's pretty much a walk-in) and let him sift through his clothes;
• Sometimes he's still asleep when I get up so I just pray and chant (in my head) that he won't wake up.

Putting him in the other room with a bottle seems to work the best but I don't like that I can't hear him so most of the time I just let him bang on the door and I just think about the day he will no longer have separation anxiety.

I won't get into when I have to do the #2 (POOP) but I'm always surprised that he hasn't broken down the door yet when I take so long on the john.

But seriously Bambino? You can't at least give mama 30 seconds (sometimes 5 minutes for those crappy moments) to herself?

Suggestions anyone?

Project Get My Life in Order

That's right folks in an attempt to get rid of the "bad ju-ju" as my bestie the Starfish would put it I'm initiating my own little, "Project Get my Life in Order."

What's on the list?

HOME & GARDEN:

• Manage the gardens; weed, water, BEAUTIFY!
• Organize and clean the kitchen - maybe ask the lady of the house if I can paint the cabinets a brighter color because it's one dreary lookin' kitchen
• Clean and steam the carpet - I can't believe I've been letting the Bambino crawl around on it for as long as I have
• Organize my closet - Hang, fold, and iron! Maybe that way when I do accidentally sleep in, I won't have to scramble around the house trying to get ready in 15 mins....with a baby!
• Setup a recycling bin and sanitize the garbage area
• Wash my car and take it in for a tune-up

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY - IT'S A RICH MANS WORLD:

• Either find a second job, i.e. babysit on the weekends (awesome for the Bambino...weekend friends!) or get goin' on my Examiner articles...or both?
• Start my register again because money is tight and I'm not doing so hot with my finances
• Negotiate, negotiate
• Hate to say it but maybe even try to find a better paying, more stimulating job...tough in the current market but not impossible
• Start a savings account for the Bambino and hopefully within a year a 529 Savings Plan
• This isn't entirely about money but get all of the legal jazz in order, as in a will (just in case purposes) which does involve money
• Goal - Stay out of the red

BODY IMAGE:

• Do my own Baby Boot Camp, that is until we get a night class going!
• Go for a walk everynight, the Bambino loves going for walks with me so perfect mama/baby bonding time
• Go hiking or swimming every weekend or every other weekend because there tends to be a lot social functions happenin'
• Buy local and eat local - no more restaurant chains!
• Even though I already have - cut down on the coffee and chocolates

WHERE IS MY MIND?:

• Start writing in my journal again
• Take more photos
• Write more letters to friends and family instead of just e-mails
• Write more - in general
• Lose the resentment jazz because it ain't good music
• Look at my surroundings and appreciate them
• Renovate the blog and settle
• Get serious and do.

WHY THE BAMBINO ROCKS MY WORLD:

• Enjoy and cherish every moment with the Bambino
• Be more patient and gentle in those oh so crazy, baby ranting, mama hair ripping moments
• Talk and sing to him more often - it's amazing how singing to him can calm his fussiness
• Take more photos of him and post more updates - that's right more Bambino updates...I just might create a daily Bambino section with photos galore!
• Do what I can do provide the best for him - that means giving up my pride and giving in
• Love him more

Quite the list but I plan on doing each and everyone of those. Some of them will be ongoing and some I'll be able to check off within the next few weeks or so.

Photos shall be accompanied with the words of the upcoming, Project Get my Life in Order, posts.

Raising religion

Growing up my dad used to take me to different types of places of worship; Prostetant, Gospel, Jewish temples, etc. I once had a Mormon babysitter and even remember watching Mormon videos with one of my childhood friends in San Diego. Then my oldest friend was raised a Jevoha's Witness, so I had to learn fast that certain holidays were not celebrated. Part of junior high and high school I attended youth groups; Assembly of God and non-denominational Young Life. In college I minored in Religious Studies and actually tried my darndest to write about how the Inquisition created Crypto-judaism for my senior thesis in Spanish. I learned about the Druze while I was in London from my best friend. I've written about Hinduism, Christianity, Jainism (I even had a Jain rommate), Islam (dated a muslim while I lived in Norway), and was introduced to the idea of Unitarian Universalism when I lived in Boston (due to the fact that I worked next door to one of their church headquarters). I also contemplated becoming a relgious studies professor. And in the Polynesian & Irish culture (my ethnic backgrounds), polytheism and paganism plays a huge role. (Oh and yes I pretty much just bragged at how versed I am in religion)

Safe to say that I've been surrounded by religion all my life. Religion fascinates me.

Since I've been introduced to so many religions of the world it is difficult for me to choose one or more like I refuse to choose one. Each religion has some valid points, points that are true to those who follow their own religion. Though I do not agree with some of those who are fundalmentalists, I understand why they are and though I tend to agree more with secularists I sometimes question why they are not fundmentalists.

Either way to me, the abosulte definition of religion is control. Think about it, when someone says, "I did ____ religiously." What are they really saying? That they did it with a self-controlled mindset.

Religions will be introduced to the Bambino as he grows up and if one day he says to me, "Ma, I just don't care to know anymore," then I'll stop. He will be allowed to pursue the ideals and theories of religion and to not. If he instead chooses to pursue mokeys instead then have at it Bambino! I'm just getting sick of the folks who are preachin', preachin' like the world is going to end in 5 minutes. Or shouting, "Give yourself up to the Lord!" and then that person not really practicing what they preach.

I had a Seriously? moment this weekend when I picked up my brother from the other side of the island. Someone was talking God and Jesus to him all week. I understand that this person wants my brother to be in a good place when he passes but my brother is a good guy. He doesn't do drugs, get drunk, and sleep with lots of ladies. Sure he's a little lazy and selfish but he's such a great kid. He's got so much love for his friends and family. So why wouldn't he be in a good place in his after-life? And more importantly what is religion going to really change about my brother anyway? He's way more self-composed and kinder than some adults I know.

Anysnooze, I will do my best to introduce the Bambino to as much as I can - in a loving, supportive, and non-overstimulating way. I'd love for him to understand why certain cultures are the way they are and how much religion has shaped the world's history. Religion is such an important part of the human race.

What I want him to realize is that it is faith from within that will get him through each day and that it is faith that will connect him with those who surround him.

I think that is what religion and its followers were trying to do but control came into the mix and things sort of got mixed up.

Anyway, who knows if heaven or hell is real and what is the truth, which is another tangent I could go off on but won't I'll just end it with the following:

While researching for my paper on Hinduism I stumbled across a quote -

Truth is beyond any human comprehension; it is beyond space, beyond time, and beyond any reality that we've ever known.
-Unknown

One thing's for certain...

One thing is for certain with me: I will always change my mind.

One moment I will think that life is too sad to write and then the next, I'm writing the next Iliad and the Odyssey.

Or...

I'll make an appointment to speak with a therapist with everything that has been happening and has happened in my life from since I can remember. Then the day before the appointment I'll contemplate cancelling because I'm almost back to my old self - happy!

After contemplating I decide to stick with the plan because heck 30 minutes of talking about myself to a stranger certified in shrinking heads couldn't be that bad?

And then I think about what my mom said before she got on the plane with my dad for their cruise around Europe,

Mom - "Did it help the last time you saw a therapist?"
Me - "No. Not at all."

(Sigh) Then I think, well that's because I didn't really put any effort into sharing what was really going on with me (when I was 16 and lost) and because I had befriended a girl who made things so much less complicated. Plus, who needs a therapist when you've got stellar family and friends?

When you can't muster the courage to talk with certain family members and your friends, as great as they are, just can't listen to the same thing anymore.

So with little shame and lots of courage I'm going to open myself up to a medically certified stranger. I'm going to talk about what has been on my mind and be honest with him, in the hopes that I will be honest with myself.

Last night after dinner with my cousin, Aunty Maka, she said that I need to be honest with myself and maybe then I'll figure out what are the roots of my problems.

Hopefully then I can stop relying on people to make me feel better because one day I'm going to be alone. The Bambino will grow up and wander off into the world, my parents as much as I hate to admit will not physically always be present, my friends and family are dispersed around the world, and who knows if I'll ever meet a man with whom I'll spend the rest of my life. So I need to be prepared for that day when I am all by myself without anyone to comfort me.

Another thing is for certain.

I need to learn how to comfort myself.

Bath Series

I thought these were too cute to not share. Granted his face isn't showing but they're still sweet pictures of my sweet Bambino.

The five photos are kind of a play by play; shot after shot - click, click, click, click, click.

Inspecting the waters.

Hmm...not quite sure about this.

Ok, time for the splash test!

Awww, my toe got a little wet.

Oh well. Time to bite of the rubber ducky's party hat.

What's been happening around here? Part One

A few photos with a few words and then more words.

Two Kamakas doing the bath thing. This was taken last night, the benefit of living in Hawai'i is that almost everyday is warm enough to bathe outside, hence the reason why you see so many people on the beach. I decided that I was going to actually give the Bambino a bath outside, since it was nice enough and warm enough to do so. He loves it! I wish I had a camcorder to record his actions. Last night I brough out a big pot that was filled with the hot water (I filled his tub with half hot and cold water) leaving some of the hot water in it. The Bambino decided it would be a good place to put his bath toys in; that is why I wish I had a camcorder. Every time he put his toys in the pot I would put it back in the tub and then the process would start all over again.

Anyway, what's happening in this photos is Aunty Maka is about to kiss the Bambino with the frog bath toy and he's getting ready for the big smooch.

A little Picnik treat. Here's the Bambino putting his toys into the pot I was talking about above.

A little blurry but still shows that the Bambino truly enjoys looking at himself in the mirror but also loves to do a good little pose for the camera. I think we've got a Zoolander in the making. Seriously. Everytime I take his pacifier out of his mouth he makes a "Blue Steel" face. Anyway, who could blame him for looking at his reflection? He's really stinkin' cute!

This past Sunday was really, really warm. A perfect day to go to the beach but I had too many things to do around the house. To make up for it, I setup the Bambino's bathtub outside (I also need a kiddie pool for the babe) and had him cool off outside. I threw in his bath toys and he started having a ball! At first he didn't enjoy the temperature of the water, it was too cold...mean mommy I am for not checking the COLD water before I place a BOY baby in it. Sorry Bambino! After the water warmed up a bit he was a much happier baby and started having fun.

This is his, "Are you sure you're getting me at a good angle?" face.

Rubber duckys taste like buttah!

Come and join me mama and check out my baby farmer's tan!

Stay tuned for photos and stories of a visit from my friend from Oz.

A little this, a little that...

A few little updates:

• I'm not sure if I've mentioned on here that the Bambino has taken his first steps! Two Sundays ago I was sitting on the floor, my back leaning on the couch, the Bambino was cruising towards me when he let go and took 2 BIG baby steps towards me. F'in awesome!
• The Bambino will mimic me when I say, "hi" and wave.
• My Ozzie friend Sonia visited us for a week and is (sadly, only for me though) now in LA.
• I was sick with some kind of virus but am back to 100% which is awesome because being sick can suck my.....
• I'm thinking about giving the blog ANOTHER makeover but I will plan it out before I do anything drastic. What can I say? I'm just not that into it (the new design).
• Freaking peeing my pants, chomping at the bit, with breath that is baited for next week when Harry Potter comes out!!! That's right, I'm one of those people.
• Life is starting to feel a bit better and more worth living, so I'm starting to feel a bit more normal now. I have thanks to my friend, Sonia, whose presence has really helped me appreciate where I am in life.
• I've setup my first bonafide interview for a series of articles that I'm working on. This writing thing is starting to look up!
• Have I mentioned that the Bambino took his first steps?

And that's all I've heard for today.

Eye candy

Mama wants a new toy.

Perhaps it's because it has my nickname in the store title or because it has a smorgasbord of photography gear and gifts. Whatever it is.

I.

Am.

In.

Love.

The Photojojo Store is stocked with nifty tripods, frames, and more. I suggest you check out the site if you're a camera or photog nut like I.

The bonus is that everything is pretty reasonably priced, great for a single mama like me and for everyone else!

Seriously, why haven't you clicked on the hyperlink yet?

(Image from The Photojojo Store)

Logo mojo

Just experimenting with a possible new logo. I'm still playing around with other possibilities but this is a "first draft."

Windblown crackers

July 3rd, 2009, sharing Mum mums at the Aloha Tower Fireworks display.

Photo taken by Sonia Heinrich.

P.S. The Bambino LOVES fireworks.

The bottle has dropped

First, thank you for the e-mails that you all sent in response to my last post.

Things aren't as peachy keen in my life right now but I'm working towards getting back to my usual and sunny mindset. My friend Sonia is visiting from Australia right now and her presence helps me feel better.

It's just a bit of a dark time for me right now and surprsingly writing doesn't seem to be doing the trick of getting me out of it. So, I won't be posting as often as I would like but I'll still be doing the occassional writing.

I've taken the first step which may seem tiny to most of you but I finally cleaned my closet. For me, cleaning my bedroom is like cleansing a piece of my soul. I can sleep better and I can find things that I need. Also, having Sonia has helped me get out of the house and appreciate my surroundings. I'm very thankful for the friends I have in my life.

Mostly, I'm thankful for the Bambino because I don't think that I could get out of bed if it weren't for him. I have a cute photo of us from the night we went watching the fireworks from the Aloha Tower with our friends and neighbors.

Perhaps if I just cried this pain in my chest will go away.

Deal with it

I adopted a life motto from a friend a few years back, "Life is what you make it." As in if your life is a happy one, it is because you strived for it. Or if your life is an unhappy, then that is how you made it.

Ninety-nine percent of the time I am completely content with how my life is; I've got a beautiful Bambino, food in the fridge, a car to drive, a roof over my head, the support of my friends & family, and heck I live in freakin' Paradise! So why is it that I feel so alone and lost? This feeling of limbo is quite annoying because I hate feeling like I'm a victim but right now, at this moment in my life, I feel like the world is against me.

It's ridiculous.

It's ridiculous because I am a happy person but recent events in my life have made me otherwise.

I am resentful and I can't even stand having that word in my vocabulary.

I feel detached and not even in a Zen sort of detachment from material things. Detached from family members and friends. Perhaps it's because I'm all the way on this island in the middle of the ocean. Or perhaps because I'm making myself feel like I'm on this island in the middle of the ocean, from far any sort of civilization.

Laziness is the real key here. One can always tell when I'm feeling down when I don't "have the energy" to do anything around the house. I'll get to it tomorrow, is what I think to myself and then tomorrow comes and the cycle continues.

Distracted is another word that I cannot stand. Though I'm still doing a sufficient amount of work in the office my mind wanders elsewhere. If I hadn't put up reminders on my Outlook calendar I probably would forget to do anything.

Dissatisfied is my overall emotion. I am not happy with my current financial situation, living situation, family situation, etc. Would I be happier if I had more money? Would I be happier living in Seattle where my parents and best friends are? Would I be happier if I spoke with someone about how they hurt me so badly that I can't even stand to think about them or look at them?

I'm not sure what to do, well actually I know what to do but I don't want to do anything. I just want to wollow in my self-victimized state. Curl up in a ball under my sheets. Sit in a shower and have the water pound at me. Scream.

Screaming might help.