July 20, 2009

Unsolicited advice from cranky solicitors

Thankfully since my start of motherhood I haven't received much unsolicited advice on how to raise the Bambino but those few times that I have...oh man do they sting.

Cranky advice giver - Do you understand why you have nightmares about accidentally forgetting your son? Or why you have guilt issues of not having a father in his life? Do you realize that you're only hurting him but not going out? You're going to turn him into a Mama's Boy! [read, "Do you get that I'm pretty much calling you an insufficient & inefficient mother?]

Me - Uh...buh?!?!

It's usually (older) family members who prick their venomous stingers in my chest and (forgive the mixed metaphors) pound you with a club on the head making you inable to respond with any kind of rational response. Now I'm not sure if this family member just said this because they were upset that I didn't go out shopping with my other family, leaving the cranky family member with alone time with the Bambino. I don't care what their reason, I didn't ask for their advice and probably never will considering certain facts.

People tell me to take anything that people say, in a negative form, with a grain of salt. Easier said than done when it comes to family. For me I want to honor my family and make them feel secure and confident when it comes to me. Sure I've done a few things in my past that some would consider flaky but if that's the worst that I've done then so be it.

Yes, I'd rather hang out with my son on the weekends than go out and party or go shopping. That's what parents do, they teach their children, discipline them, laugh with them, hug them, provide for them, and love them. Just because I'm a single mom doesn't mean that I can't do all of all of those things. Couple parents vs. single parents - that shouldn't even be allowed to be uttered. Parents are parents and the majority of them do their duties the best that they can, whether they're single or partnered.

I had nightmares of forgetting the Bambino because that's what a lot of new mothers do - they fear that they just might fuck things up. My pangs of guilt of him not having a father influence currently have subsided because he's got my brother, my uncles, and his Poppie to be the male influences that he needs. I don't leave the Bambino much on weekends because that is the only time that we can have a good amount of time together plus when else am I going to get the chance to swim with him in a lagoon or watch him take his first steps? And if he becomes a mama's boy then so be it, most guys are anyway.

How do you handle unsolicited advice?


Meandering Bohemian said...

I tell them to bite me... go against the grain, anti establishment, screw the man!!! Sorry I'm in a mood... Your doing fine. No one has the right to raise a child in any fashion or manner other than that child's parent(s). All else need not apply! :o)

Megs said...

Tell them to eff off. They have been there done that, and they are DONE. Your turn! You have Aidan so you can raise him and love him and nuture him, not so you would have to listen to numerous old bittys telling what to do and when to do it. Say "I pushed this Bambino of mine out my vajay-jay and that gives me the right to influence him however I see fit. Deal."

I love you!

Anonymous said...

Well that advise was strange? I am not sure where it came from, however, you will always be the number 1 influence in Adains life...what really matters is how you feel about being that influence? You matter and you are important, Aidan will never let you forget that. There is no need to tell them off, just pray and pray for them too. Time will let you know what to do next. Love You Forever, Aunty Kawehi


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