Another preview

The best air conditioning in town.

The Bambino, Aunty Maka, and me with the belly bulge on top of Koko Head.

Indeed, I will be writing about my birthday a week after it's happened. That's just how my life goes. I'm busy, busy, busy.

Some info, the Bambino, Aunty Maka, and I climbed up Koko Head. I started out carrying the babe on my back (my triathlete cousin borrowed the hiking carrier) but due to nausea my awesome cousin, Aunty Maka, carried the Bambino to the top. It took my marathon cousin, Dr. Iron Man about 30 minutes to climb to the top, that's with his 37 lbs, 2-year-old on his back. His wife, Mrs. Marathoner, took maybe 5 to 10 minutes more. My cousin, Aunty Maka, maybe 10 to 15 minutes after her with the Bambino at the half way point. Me? Well, randomly we met my sister, her boyfriend, my aunt, and her husband on the way to the top. My sister, who isn't very athletic at all but the most beautiful college student on the Earth took only 45 minutes to get to the top. Me, a former trying to be a reborn athlete? Add an hour to that.

That's right! Almost 2 hours for me to get to the top!

At least I committed. Granted I could barely walk for the next couple of days but I made it to the top.

More on the climb and the weekend later.

Note: When I was 15 I climbed to the top of Diamond Head in what, like 20 minutes? Not sure but it was fast. Yes, that was 10 years ago and I was playing soccer everyday but that's besides the point. The view from the top of DH was beautiful but Koko Head's view kick's Daimond Head's ass! Well worth the two butt kicking, crunching hours.

Just 500 more...

I've only got 500 more page views to go until my first paycheck from Examiner.com. This is in no way to encourage people to just click on my Examiner page, mainly because I haven't written any content this week (I'm so ashamed), but just an excitement post.

So that means I need to finish reading the books I've been reading and either review them or incoporate what I've learned into the site. I'm also interviewing a family in a couple of weeks (after the 4th of July) so that will be up soon.

Things are looking up!

Kisses and keys

Cousin Kaitlyn giving the Bambino a kiss. Of course his mind is elsewhere, like how to escape from the 12-story tower with his toy keys.

"You kick the bucket and I'll swing my legs"

***I tried to edit and shorten this but this is as short as I could get this. Let's hope all of you don't have the attention span of a gerbel.***

A nice little drawing he did before we know that the Bambino was going to be a boy. He so badly wanted a girl. I'm quite thankful to have a little boy around since I know I wouldn't be able to hang with playing dress-up and dolls.

The Bambino's father had given me a CD the last time I saw him along with a painting he made for the babe, a racoon puppet, photo album and a random t-shirt from a music store in San Francisco. The painting hangs above his crib and today I listened to the CD, which I had listened to the day he had given it to me but I sort of just put it in my big cd case and left it to, for lack of a better word, rot.

When looking for a disc to listen to in the car I'll pass it, look at it, do a kind of upper lip snare to it, and then move on. I guess a part of me feels like I'm flippin' the dude off in my own way (sure some days I'm totally unhappy about the man not being present in the Bambino's life). Except for today, I was at a long red light and really couldn't find anything that I felt would satisfy my aural hunger, so I took it out of hibernation.

The first time I listened to the disc I wasn't really impressed, I had already heard most of the songs (and most of them reminded me too much of him) but I did really enjoy one song by the Kings of Leon, "Bucket." I'm not sure if it's the drums or Caleb Followill's longing voice but I'm drawn to this song. Kind of like how I was drawn to the Bambino's father.

I'm not really sure why I was so pulled by him, it wasn't his looks although he's quite attractive. It wasn't his art, he's talented but I wasn't moved by it. It sure as heck wasn't that he was an open minded, kind-hearted liberal, he's more of an everything should be my way, I'm a hero kind of person. Of course he would say that I'm an indoctrinated, fat brat but maybe that's why I found him fascinating (sick I know, just wait it gets better). Or maybe it was because I thought that if I showed him what it was like to be loved unconditionally (ummm...what was I thinking?) he would want learn to love himself. And that was just it. He didn't love himself which meant he could never really love me but my heart fell for him.

I met him at the same time that I was interested in someone else but the other fella wasn't quite making any moves or showing that he wanted a relationship. At the time I didn't think I really wanted a relationship either but then I met him. When we first met I thought he was odd and asked too many questions but then I found that his interest in getting to know me was appealing and made me feel special. He looked at me with focus. I loved it. I loved the attention that I was getting from him. I also loved that it was so easy to talk with him. Candor became one of the things I most appreciated about the relationship we shared.

In the beginning we sort of had an open relationship because I wasn't ready to settle down but while dating the other fellas he was always in the back of my mind. I would wish that it was with him that I was watching the sunset or having a picnic. After a couple of months I decided that I would only see him but then....the rest of it became complicated suffice it to say that we sort of went on a hiatus.

We started seeing each other again after a visit from my best friend but never gave each other a label but he was the one I wanted to see and talk with before I went to bed after a long day of work. Things were ok and then.....

Let's just say in the beginning we were pretty supportive of each other, what decision would we make? It sucked because I found out I was pregnant right before he had to leave for a month long trip so before he left I had decided to terminate the pregnancy because I wanted to keep him in my life and because I didn't think I was ready. Deep down I knew that if I carried on with the pregnancy I would raise the baby alone. Perhaps he would come and visit us but I knew it would all be on me but a part of me just hoped. I really, really hoped that he would want to be a part of our child's life. We had created this baby. We should be happy and raise the little one together. Not as a couple because even though I loved him I knew he wasn't the man I would spend the rest of my life with. Just as two people who cared for each other and created another little person together.

Anyway, he was out of the picture and again it's all very complicated or there just isn't enough attention span but we saw each other one last time, in an attempt to reconcile. What came of it was a mixed cd, painting, blinding orange shirt, and resentment. The last time we spoke was worse, again I won't get into it but I don't want him around us at this moment or in the near future.

I'm not sure why I'm writing about him but after listening to the CD he made me I just started thinking about him, him & me, him, me, & the Bambino and me, the Bambino, minus him. Our life right now is much better without him in it just because he has some self exploration to do but at times I just really miss the friendship that he and I had. Before the drama (although there always seemed to be some sort of drama, even though we understood each other, we really didn't get each other) I really enjoyed being in his company. I miss our candor, that (romantic) realtionship was the first where I was completely candid & honest with someone. It was because of him that I became ready to venture into a committed relationship again.

It was with him that I was able to have such a beautiful, beautiful little person that I so lovingly call my Bambino.

And it is the Bambino who will forever hold my heart.

Preview

Just a little peak of how special my birthday was this past weekend.

The Bambino with his cousin Kaitlyn. You won't hear much come out of him except for a sneeze, which tend to amuse him. He's quite the observant little babe. Anyway, it was so nice to see how Kaitlyn has grown the past two years. She's still one of the happiest little girl I've ever met.

Cute, ay?

The return of a (sort of) friend

Disclosure: This post deals with some sexual content but in no way does it contain graphic nature of any sort. Neither does it mean that I am sex, hungry single mom looking for a mate. It is a simple observation of what's been going on with my life. If you do not wish to read about any sexual content then please do not continue. Bear in mind that it's not that steamy of a post.

Since the birth of the Bambino I've pretty much enjoyed the thought of being a mom. That's it. I'm the Bambino's mommy and nothing else. I was quite content to be totally focused on the babe and trying to expand my network of mamas. Men were nowhere on my mind. In fact I had ruled them out of my life for the time being and had a non-existent libido.

So I truly enjoyed just being a mom.

Now? Now I'm a woman. I'm a mom and a woman. It's totally confusing to me; I feel like a teenager again. This is all thanks to my friend Ms. Lib Ido returning to my life. I won't go into details as to how or why...well let's say an old flame sent me a message that wasn't very innocent. I had posted on my Facebook account that, I would greatly appreciate it if someone would get a Cabana boy for my birthday, which is tomorrow, Saturday. My definition of a Cabana boy is pretty much equivalent to a servant. I just want someone to cook, clean, do my laundry, bookmark my favorite sections of the New York Times, and do any other kind of errand for me so that I can spend more time with the Bambino. In no way does it incinuate that I want a sex slave. Not at all! But this old flame thought he'd be cheeky and send me a naughty little message.

At first I was totally put off by it. Gross. I don't want a man touching me. Not after what I squeezed out of me 9 months ago. Yes, I now have such an amazing person in my life because of the 'S' word but I just don't want to do that. I don't want to do anything in the near future that involves baby making. No chance! I love you Bambino but mama still has nightmares about the whole birthing jazz. Anyway, after the initial reaction of repulsiveness I decided to respond in kind. Why? To see if any of it made me feel any desire at all. In the beginning it didn't but that night I ended up having quite the passionate dream.

So with that Ms. Lib Ido welcome back to my life. I'm not sure if I like having her back in my life because now I'm not just a mommy. I'm a woman who has a son. I'm a single woman, who has an infant son that doesn't want to date or have any men in her life right now. But now I will now look at a man and not just think, "Oh he's cute", and that be the end of it, I will now go on thinking, "He's hot! Grrrrrrrrrr....."

I'd like to go back to being just mommy, please.

Why I love the Bambino

All Bambino with a hint of mischief.

He is the center of my universe. Everyday I wake up looking forward to a new day with my love. Everyday I look forward to the end of my work day so that I can race home to the babe and give him infinite amounts of hugs and kisses & tickle his cute little baby belly.

He lights up my day when he goes off in his own little world of conversation and when you try to join in, he's more than happy to include you.

He is somewhat like a dog due to the fact that he loves to literally roll around on his toys. Though I find it to be quite unique to him and I can't help but smile when he does it. Pure enjoyment of the moment.

He loves to snuggle and give me kisses. I'm honored to receive such displays of affection from such a beautiful bambino.

He reaches out for me when I pick him up from daycare or am playing with another or am typing on the computer. I love that he immediately looks for me when he hears my voice. I love that he wants his mama.

He loves to play with his food just as much (if not more) as I did when I was a kid. He's so tactile and curious.

He's gentle and rough at the same time. He loves to have his hair and back stroked but also knows how to tell you that he's had enough but pushing my hands away. He loves to horseplay and throw his toys (but never at other babies or kids). He's quite fascinated by cause and effect. He's such a boy.

He doesn't just giggle, he laughs to the point of almost losing his breath. He truly enjoys life.

Most of all I love him because he is the Bambino and he loves me unconditionally as do I for him. I am amazed at how much he has grown to be such a sweet and tempermental (only recently) little babe.

Thank you, my little Bambino, for letting me be your mama.

I'm a deep water sailor just in from Hong Kong...

Photos taken in Rockport, MA, June 2007. You can find the originals here. The two pirates are memebers of the band, Moonship. I was quite lucky to be in Rockport that day, it really felt like I was in a sea shanty town. I still wish that I were a pirate.

Can you tell that I thoroughly enjoy Picnik? It may be time to start a photo section in this joint.

Sick and every other synonym that goes with it

I don't care if a woman has post-partum depression or doesn't feel a connection with the baby growing inside of her. Once that baby is born a woman has a responsibility to seek and provide care for the infant. Whether if it's in the form of adoption or seeking mental help - you do what you can to provide for that child!

A woman should NEVER, NEVER kill a child born to her. NEVER. If a woman does participate in such an act then she should be sentenced to life or receive the death penalty for such horrific action. A life has been stolen and the consequences should be faced. Again, I don't care if a woman has post-partum depression or whatever kind of illness one could come up with. If you don't want your baby give him or her up for adoption. So many other legal and caring options out there for people who do not wish to parents.

And for those who are prosecuting a woman who killed her 3 babies and stuck them in a freezer, you shoot for more than an eight year sentence. You go for a life sentence or the death penalty. Obviously if she killed her first child in 1999 and then burned the body, only to kill her other two babies and stick them in a freezer, this woman needs to be behind bars for the rest of her life to think about the (words cannot even describe how sickening) crime she committed.

Want to know why I'm ranting? Read this BBC News article.

Pretty in pink

I took a picture of this flower during a day trip in Maine. That's all I have to say about that.

Before.
After.

Reshaping the Times

I love newspapers! I love the smell of them. I love the sound of them when you open them up and do the newspaper fluff; kind of like how pillows are fluffed. I love the Sunday newspapers with all of the coupons. I love the daily newspapers with their hidden coupons. I love the travel, art, and international news. I even love the smudging and ink print after reading the newspaper through and through.

Whatelse do I love about the newspaper? The fact that I now have step by step instructions on how to make a basket out of it! Now I don't have to feel like that huge pile of newspaper on top of my desk and under my work desk are space wasters. NOW I can create something useful and quite unique.

To find the directions click here. To read where I found out about the project that I will be working on for the next month please click here.

Speaking of the (Daily) news check out my friend Lindsey Carnett's latest PR project here. She's the cute blonde at the end of the video.

So for those of you who think that reading the newspaper is irrelevant these days...think AGAIN! Not only are you informed but you get a fun little project to do (with the kids) and a new storage container. So start reading folks. Subscribe now. Save the newspaper industry!

Mother Nature

Run for the hills!!!

After a year and a half of not receiving my monthly gift from Mother Nature I was getting used to the idea of not having to deal with it but.........she's back at it!

I forgot what it felt like to have this happen each month and well I'd like to go back to forgetting. I'm exhausted even more now and I'm even more on edge. Yesterday I felt like throwing fruit at everyone at my Aunty's wedding reception because they were either too nice or not talking to me at all.

Seriously, what's up with the additional bonus of mood swings? I feel like such an evil person but I just feel like throwing food or my shoe at everyone that is in my prescence. With the exception of the Bambino of course, it was because of him I was able to avoid Mother Nature's gift for the year and a half that I did. Since he's weaning himself from the twins Miss MN decided to be a bitch and make me feel like Cruella DeVil incarnate. That's right I could possibly hire someone to steal your puppies but I wouldn't do anything harmful, just take them and enjoy their company. Except for when they would poop then I would hire someone to take them away to Alaska or somewhere fun.

Bah! That's how I feel and all that I want to say to people when they talk to me.

Random person: How are you today? Isn't this a lovely wedding reception?

Me: Bah! (throws pineapple in face of person)

God speed to those who encounter me. Run. For the sake of your precious life, RUN!

Snake dream

Last night I had a dream that a little, yellow snake was biting at my ankles but thankfully was woken up by the Bambino's crying for boob before the serpent could dig his teeth elsewhere.

So of course I Googled the possible meaning of having a snake in my dream and this is what I found:

"as a general rule: to dream that you were bitten by one portends a period of struggle against unfortunate circumstances..."

Considering what I've been having to deal with since I moved here, I'd say that's about right.

Now let's hope I dream about daisies or the calm blue sea tonight.

1st Birthday Party Planning Part 1

Just after the Bambino was born. I can't believe he's reaching the O-N-E soon!

I put "part 1" in the title because I'm sure I'll be writing more about planning a first birthday party. Actually, this will be the first party that I will plan on my own. It's pretty intimidating since it will be the Bambino's first birthday party. So trying to figure out his outfit(s), party favors, party untensils, decorations, invitations, etc. is quite the challenge but a fun one (many a woman enjoys shopping but I thoroughly enjoy shopping online!).

So how shall I describe the experience thus far? Let's do a bullet list:

• Picking the theme - SUPER easy...I thought about it for about 2 seconds and was sold on the a Music Themed birthday party.
• Choosing an outfit - This one will continue to be a work in progress right up until the Bambino is about to turn 1 because I want it to be cute and edgy. Thank goodness for Etsy because I was getting sick of looking at all of the other baby shops for a decent First Birthday outfit.
• Decorations - Ugh...this is a hideous task because most of the music themed decorations I've found are tasteless and boring. I'm going to have to be creative on this one.
• Favors - No clue. A bunch of toys instruments from the dollar store or something more creative than that? I dunno. This mama's on a budget so I might have to go lame dame and go to cheap-o depot.
• Location - The townhouse. So that's easy.
• Invitation - I'm debating on using these cute invites I found at Target or stay on the green side on send an e-vite. Issue with the e-vite is that I can't find one I like. So I'll have to keep researching my options. Plus, it would be cool to look back someday and reminisce about his first invitation...hold it in my hand and all that good jazz. We'll see.
• Who to invite - So do I send invitations to people that I know won't be able to make it? Or just people that I know here in Hawai'i? Of course G-ma & G-pa will get one. Seriously what's the Emily Post on this?
• Food - Yeah I have no clue here. Guests will probably just be getting tea sandwiches. I hope everyone likes cucumber sandwiches!!!!!!
• Cake vs. cupcake - Hmmm.........if the Hanlon girls were here they would bake the finest cake known to mankind but they're not. So do I buy one or just make cupcakes?

That's how the planning is going so far. I'll be honest though I've been taking this party planning about as serious as a broken nail but I do enjoy it. I just wish I could afford to hire a band to play for his party, now that would be stellar. And yes I just used the word stellar.

Anyone have any suggestions on my problem areas?

Captain Jack the Booby Latcher!

Hoping that the Bambino won't feel the need for therapy during his adolescent years or ever...

Before being captured by the heathen, thievin' pirates.

After a few months with the milk wenches and gallavantin' treasure hunters.

What a boobaholic!

My latest Picnik

The photo was taken while I was in Boston at the arboretum in Jamaica Plains; my friend Jim took me there. In fact Jim took me to all of the cool places that I know in Boston...so thanks to you Jim!

Before
After.

I just might be obsessed with the round edges and with Picnik for that matter.

Check out what I do with a photo of the Bambino.

Mucus. Plug. Mucus Plug.

***Warning if you do not like the word mucus and plug in the same sentence and are not aware (& afraid) of the details involved with birthing then I would recommend you not read this post.***

Having sworn off coffee so that I can lose weight (I've cut off many other things and am incorporating exercise...just in case you thought I was a nutter who though that cutting off ONLY coffee from my life was going to let me drop 50 lbs instantly) I sometimes find it difficult to get through the afternoon hump.

So today I caved and made myself a cup 'o Joe with all the fixins. Let me tell you though, I didn't really need to (and I haven't taken a sip of it yet...yay me....but I will....so bad me) because of my fondness for the site Dooce.com. Heather Armstrong, aka Mother of the Mommy Blogs, is soon to have her 2nd child and today she decided to post about her MUCUS PLUG!!!!!!!!!! That's right I just hyperlinked it for you so you can learn about the wonderful that is mucus plug. I'll let you Google your own image if you'd like a reference.

Anyway, I sat at my desk laughing hysterically reading the post because she's writing about mucus plug, how her daughter found the sample, and the poor nickname that she had given her husband in the post. Sometimes I wish that I would've been so honest while posting about my pregnancy but I thought that my mucus plug was disgusting and no one in my direct line of contact wants to know about it.

So, I'm thankful for Heather's honesty and work day pick me up. I shall now enjoy my creamy, sugary, oh so java-y coffee.

You can read the post here.

Having a Picnik

Want to be able to edit your photos without having to purchase the oh so expensive Adobe Photoshop? Well, Flickr provides a great tool - Picnik. You can upload your photos and have all the fun you want with editing your photos...for free and without having to register! A commitment free photo-editing site! Who knew that existed. Though if you would like to use their premium tools then you do have to pay $24.95 a year...that's right a year! What's that about $2 a month? Steal.
Below is an example of a photo I took in the summer of 2007 when my parents were visiting me in Boston. We were driving around looking for something to do when they saw a pow wow going on. Feeling annoyed that we were going to be checking this out I just decided to take pictures to show my annoyance of being there. In the end I took some great photos and had a great time listening to the music and watching the people dance.

Before.
After.

Isn't that kid a cutie? Sure he looks like he's giving me the "Don't take my picture, eye" but I love this shot. Anyway, check out the website and have a ball playing with all of the neat effects and tools that they have to offer.

Viewers like you

It's a lot of fun to see who's looking at my blog, of course I don't know exactly who each person is, I can take a guess from the location but I don't know exactly who the person is. So no worries, your privacy and identity are safe here.


I think it's great that more and more people are checking out my & Aidan's story and my random thoughts. The blog originally started out as a way, for people who know the bambino and me, to track our life. Now I'm hoping other parents or people in general are able to find something here that they can relate with. I know someone in the midwest was able to since I saw that they viewed my blog for over an hour this week, thanks to you...maybe next time you can leave a comment?


Speaking of comments for those of you who visit frequently or who are just passing through, please feel free to leave a comment...an appropariate one of course. Some examples:


When you're enjoying my posts:
"Your blog rocks" or "I wish I could write like you."


When you're not enjoying my posts:
"Stick to your day job" or "Could you seriously not find anyting better to write about?"


Of course I prefer positive comments but constructive (keyword "constructive") criticism is always welcome too.


Ok, I will leave you with a photo that I had fun editing on Picnik. I shall post about it later. In the meantime check out the website. A little note: the edited photo isn't better than the original but it was fun to dink around on the website for a couple of minutes. Oh and the photo's an old one, from when the bambino and I were still in Beantown. I kinda miss that little cottage.

BeforeAfter

Fried

My brain is totally fried from everything that has been going on in my head. I can't and don't want to think anymore. It feels like someone has been shoving things into my head for the past couple of weeks. With the lack of sleep, cramming in reading, brainstorming writing ideas, budgeting, trying to keep with photographing, arguing with receptionists to get me an appointment for the bambino, neogtiating with my credit card company, storage company, Banana Republic about payments, comping up with Plans B, C, & D...my brain has had enough!

This lady needs to go to a day spa...away from everyone! Even the bambino. Although I think I would start to miss him after two hours and would then cut the spa treatment early to race back home to him. Or maybe there could be a daycare at the spa so then that way between treatments I could peak my head in.

I need a break from all this thinking at once, someone buy me a haircut.

National Leave the Office Early Day

I doubt that I'll be leaving the office early today but it would be nice to get to go home early. I could:

• Take out the chicken I was supposed to take out before I left for work today
• Fall asleep with my headphones on whilst I take a nap
• Pick up the bambino
• Go for a run
• Read

That would be nice. What would you do if you left the office early?

Parenting Pink

I'd like to share this article that I found: Single fathers raising daughters: How to build a strong, meaningful relatinoship.

It's easy for me to forget that sometimes dads have to go at it alone. I thought I was in for quite the adventure with having to raise a son but a dad having to raise a daughter? God speed to the fella. We daughters can be quite dramatic and demanding but we do have a sweetness inside of us that make us incredibly loveable. Yes?

My sanctury

Courtesy of Freepixels.com

Yes indeed my idea of a sanctury are my headphones. I can tune out the world and listen to my music and fantasize of another world. On the days that I have Charles Mingus playing I imagine myself in a world where I sport a flapper dress (I am of course back to my high school weight) and go jazz club hopping in Chicago. Or when I listen to Modest Mouse I picture myself at the Showbox mosh pitting and feeling the stanky sweat of Isaac Brock. Then when I listen to Snook I picture myself back in Oslo toting Aidan and hanging out with my friends.

It's amazing what these little guys can do for me; they create such aural pleasure. I loved to listen to Animal Collection on the train to work when we were in Boston, especially the drum beats of Purple Bottle and sweet sound of Winter's Love, they're the perfect commuting music. Going to work on the Commuter Rail was the perfect time for me to escape to whatever world I wanted while I read one of my baby magazines or Vanity Fair.

Now that we're in Hawai'i I listen to my music in the car and while I can still listen to music, it just isn't the same without my head phones. I cannot drift off into my own little Neverland before I enter the doors of my office (gotta pay attention to the roads). Plus when I get home I don't dare put on my headphones because I need to be able to listen for the bambino. So I miss my head phones. They now reside in a dark drawer longing to be placed on my head and cup my ears but alas our longing for each other must wait.

One day my sweet headphones, we'll be reunited.