June 19, 2009

The return of a (sort of) friend

Disclosure: This post deals with some sexual content but in no way does it contain graphic nature of any sort. Neither does it mean that I am sex, hungry single mom looking for a mate. It is a simple observation of what's been going on with my life. If you do not wish to read about any sexual content then please do not continue. Bear in mind that it's not that steamy of a post.

Since the birth of the Bambino I've pretty much enjoyed the thought of being a mom. That's it. I'm the Bambino's mommy and nothing else. I was quite content to be totally focused on the babe and trying to expand my network of mamas. Men were nowhere on my mind. In fact I had ruled them out of my life for the time being and had a non-existent libido.

So I truly enjoyed just being a mom.

Now? Now I'm a woman. I'm a mom and a woman. It's totally confusing to me; I feel like a teenager again. This is all thanks to my friend Ms. Lib Ido returning to my life. I won't go into details as to how or why...well let's say an old flame sent me a message that wasn't very innocent. I had posted on my Facebook account that, I would greatly appreciate it if someone would get a Cabana boy for my birthday, which is tomorrow, Saturday. My definition of a Cabana boy is pretty much equivalent to a servant. I just want someone to cook, clean, do my laundry, bookmark my favorite sections of the New York Times, and do any other kind of errand for me so that I can spend more time with the Bambino. In no way does it incinuate that I want a sex slave. Not at all! But this old flame thought he'd be cheeky and send me a naughty little message.

At first I was totally put off by it. Gross. I don't want a man touching me. Not after what I squeezed out of me 9 months ago. Yes, I now have such an amazing person in my life because of the 'S' word but I just don't want to do that. I don't want to do anything in the near future that involves baby making. No chance! I love you Bambino but mama still has nightmares about the whole birthing jazz. Anyway, after the initial reaction of repulsiveness I decided to respond in kind. Why? To see if any of it made me feel any desire at all. In the beginning it didn't but that night I ended up having quite the passionate dream.

So with that Ms. Lib Ido welcome back to my life. I'm not sure if I like having her back in my life because now I'm not just a mommy. I'm a woman who has a son. I'm a single woman, who has an infant son that doesn't want to date or have any men in her life right now. But now I will now look at a man and not just think, "Oh he's cute", and that be the end of it, I will now go on thinking, "He's hot! Grrrrrrrrrr....."

I'd like to go back to being just mommy, please.

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