How it's been going

Now that the Mancub and I are back on the Island it means that we are no longer with my parents, in Seattle, near my besties and Mr. Fella. I have so much to share and will do throughout the next week along with dedicated posts to the Mancub for his birthday month. Can you believe he's going to be TWO?!?!?!?!?!?! Wow.

But right now, I want to share a bit about Mr. Fella.

Mr. Fella.....

Here's a list as to why I am head over heels over this fella (in no particular order):

• His man voice, it makes me purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr;
• His laugh and reasons why he laughs. He has the most contagious laugh and he will burst with laughter at the most simplest thing. It's adorable and as I mentioned before contagious. We can have a whole telephone conversation where all we do is laugh and our conversations last longer than an hour most of the time;
• He's super easy to talk with;
• He listens;
• He has values, principles and standards and does not falter from them;
• He wanted to meet the Mancub and hoped that my little man would like him...how cute! It just shows that he someday wants a family;
• He's a nature man but can still do the city too;
• When it comes to relationships, he wants a partnership;
  
• He's motivated and follows through; and
  
• His man hands - I want to hold them.

He's a man. A real man. He works with his hands which I've always found super sexy in a man and he has a brain. Not that men who work with their hands don't, it's just that he does and it's super sexy. I feel like he could challenge me intellectually which is important because I can get bored with a man even if he's super hot and manly looking. If he doesn't use that brain, I lose interest pretty quick.

While Mr. Fella and I are still talking and texting we are not a couple. We like each other. Enjoy talking with each other. And while I would love to go for a long distance relationship, he wants his partner to be present; in the same vicinity. I respect that whole heartedly. So, we're just talking. Texting. And I adore him more and more each day.

I miss him. And we only saw each other twice while we were in Seattle but I sure do miss him. I'm not sure where things will go. He knows that I am available for him and only him. How often are you able to find someone that you're able to have a real connection with? Be attracted to?

A few people have suggested that Mancub and I return to Seattle to live there, so Mr. Fella and I can be together. That idea makes me puke. Not because Mr. Fella makes me puke but because doing something, changing my life for a man isn't me. The only man that I'm going to turn my life around for is the Mancub.

Even though I feel as though I could spend the rest of my life getting to know Mr. Fella, my priority is to do what's going to be best for Mancub and me. What's going to make us happy? What will make us feel fulfilled? What's going to make us thrive? What situation is going to work best for me and Mancub? Those are the most important questions to be answered right now.

Anything or anyone else is secondary.

So for now, Mr. Fella and I are talking. Enjoying our conversations and texts. <-- Indeed! I'm texting. How bizarre.

I'm just enjoying getting to know him.

How it went....

I'll try to make this quick:

Meeting up with Mr. Fella with the Mancub in tow was nice, interesting and I wouldn't do it again - at least not in the near future.

Here's why:

• Whenever the Mancub is with me, my attention is constantly referring to him making it damn near impossible to concentrate on anything else;
• This leads to me not being the best conversationalist because I am constantly distracted by but focused on the Mancub;
• I'm not used to the Mancub and I having an extra person around who I'm romantically interested in, which made me feel a little awkward;
  
• This my friends does not make for a good first date/first time we've hung out since EVER even though we went to high school together and knew each other.

So even tough we've known each other for over 10 years we hadn't seen each other since maybe one time after high school graduation. It wasn't exactly as though I was meeting up with an old friend with the Mancub, I was meeting up with someone that I am attracted to and think dirty thoughts about. I won't be making that mistake again.

Other than that, it was a great day. There were laughs, I got to know more about him, he's still swoon-worthy in my eyes. We went to the Pacific Science Center, walked around Seattle Center, watched and sat by the International Fountain, watched a train & went promenading at the Olympic Sculpture Park. Mr. Fella was super sweet and played with the Mancub throughout our time together, which was also a little weird for me as well because I'm not used to men who aren't relatives hanging out with Mancub. But it was mostly sweet. I loved watching the Mancub run around the Tot Area in the PSC - he loooooves water so he spent a lot of time splashing around there. The end of the day was rapid, we were in a drop off zone and cars were driving quickly, he was trying to help me unload, I was trying to unstrap the Mancub so we could catch the ferry on time that all we did was a swift hug and a, "Maybe we can do this again before you leave."

Dudes, I wanted a kiss soooooooooo badly because he looked good and smelled, oh so yummy! My pheromones were bubbling just a wee bit. But how awkward of a situation is that for him? It's our first time hanging out, first time seeing me since high school and I don't look the same as I did back then, first time meeting the Mancub during our first time hanging out - ummmm...even I would question to kiss a single dad in front of his kid.

I asked him if he'd like to hang out Monday evening sans Mancub, that's a maybe.....

So now, the fella is camping.

We've had some fun banter via text since yesterday but we'll see.

"I'm breezy."

I'm not in love, I just want to be touched.

In a few posts back I mentioned that I had been intimate with a fella. I had stated that it had been amazing and it was...the first time. It had been two years and well I'm pretty sure that after a two-year celibattical (I meant to spell it that way) sex would be pretty amazing. It was good enough that the next day I sent a text to my best friend telling her that "I had sex!" And she gave me a text high-five.

The guy was all man and I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooved it. He took total control. He pulled me in for a kiss and I was hooked from there. He wanted to make sure I was having a good time which was a nice change from how the Mancub's father went about our intimate moments. Don't get me wrong those were great times but it was all about him. Where with this guy it was for the both of us. He even reached out for my hand afterwards - even when I pulled away right after he said, "Don't treat me like a piece of meat, Al". It was nice. He was nice.

The second time wasn't as great as the first time but it was still great. And that was it. Just twice. Which is good enough for me. I guess. But it isn't. I want more but I stopped it. My libido is back in full swing and I no longer have a mans to tone it down - just a bit. But that's what exercise is for, right? Except I'm not exercising. I'm EATING instead! Bah!

Anyway, how'd it all start? Well, we've known each other for a while...since after the Mancub's first birthday. I never thought much about him. I just thought of him as that tall guy with the long hair. But then he started flirting with me a few months back - like February? But I didn't flirt back because he had a girlfriend and well I just don't roll like that. Remember my rules? No romance with coworkers and romantically involved men, ESPECIALLY the married sort.

For some reason the past two years romantically involved men just seem to think it's OK to hit on me. That a whole other story.

Anyway, one night he was flirting through text - oh yeah that's totally lame by the way, I think that's why it took me a while to consider returning the gesture - and I decided to just go with the flow. After enjoying a few drinks with my friends that is. Why did I need some fermented help? Because I'm still carrying my baby weight and the dude is cute and has tattoos! Tattoos!!!!!!!!!! So why would fit, good looking, tattoo fella be interested in chubby single mama, me?

I sent him a text back.

Perhaps we could've gone on more but the situation was just too complicated and I don't need anymore complications in my life. He's a single dad. I'm a single mom. He's not sure what's going on with his dead end relationship (he claims that they're not together but they still live together, oh and I saw them driving together yesterday and noticed he was trying to be sneaky - that's right I saw you dude! Ugh, that makes me sound like a crazy person. It's cool I'll take the title for a moment), he's trying to figure out what he's going to do with his life and I just don't have time for that. Plus, I think he's just a bit too flaky for my taste.

I'm at a point where I'm really happy with where I am in life. I know what direction I'm headed in my career. The Mancub and I are happy as a two person family. And I'm enjoying soccer and trying to get back into shape. Although, I could stand to not eat my feelings when I'm feeling....jazzy. Anyway, I just know who I am and don't really have time for any type of bullshit.

So I stopped it. Though sometimes I wish I hadn't only because I'd like to be touched. Or maybe even snuggled by man arms. I wouldn't mind having him as a Maintenance Man but it would be nice if it were someone a bit more stable. Anyway, not my ideal way of reentering the dating world but it's still not that bad of a reintroduction into the world of dating, intimacy and sex. It was nice to be intimate with someone and have someone in my bed to talk about adult things. He was nice enough to do that too, talk afterwards. It was a nice post-coitus act, we were able to be intimate with each other after being intimate. Yeah, not too shabby of a reintroduction at all.

We'll see how the rest of the journey goes.

Dating Mission #3 and an update

My 3rd dating mission is to look at what is in front of me.

Growing up I've always thought about what I'll be doing in the future or sometimes I would tangle myself on thoughts of my past. Actually, I still do.

So my goal is to look at what's in front of me at this moment and appreciate it instead of coming up with an escape plan or thinking "if only had I done...."

Maybe then my restless mind can finally find some peace!

Onto other news:

My dates with myself and city were fabulous and hot. And I mean hot in the it's so freaking hot and humid here that I must find air conditioning or else I will melt on the sidewalks of Honolulu. Yeah it was that hot.

So that means I didn't really get a chance to explore the city like I usually do, which is walking until my feet fall off.

Plus I missed the Bambino but he had a great time with Nana Patty.

Also, I forgot my camera but I had my old point and shoot BUT the batteries died after the....9th? picture. The photos that you see on here all the only photos I took that day.

They're from the asian farmer's market I went to next to the Ward Center in Honolulu.

Fake or real? Fake. But still pretty.
Totally fake - you see that barcode and gleam?

A whole section dedicated to pickeled foods. Ga-ross in my mind but yummy for others.

Some asian goodies.

Baby yum yums.

Baby products.

Sake!!!

I love that they placed Orchids around the produce. They really beautify the place.

Bamboo shoots! I had never seen them fresh before so this was like finding gold!

There was one interesting baby product that I found. It's placed on the mother's nipple for the nursing baby to suck the milk out of. I couldn't find it on the website but it's a Pigeon baby product. I couldn't get a photo because that's when my batteries died. Bah!

Oh and I bought some squeaky shoes for the Bambino - I'm not sure what he thinks of them but my brother cannot stand them. Ha ha!

Whatelse did I do? Not much else just walked around the Ward Center area did a little shopping and that was that. I did try to read some of my magazines but Borders was totally packed so I ended up reading on the floor in the children's section. That's when I decided that I missed the Bambino and went home.

Little did I know that he was having too much fun with Nana Patty and I wouldn't see him until after his bed time. After all that beachin' and playing - who would want to come home just to go snuggle with his mama and go to bed?

I'm glad we both had a good day.

Deal breaker?

Before Tina Fey decided to make, "deal breaker" funny on 30 Rock I had been hearing that term bounced around for quite some time when it comes to dating.

Some people's deal breakers could be that a dude doesn't wear socks with his sneakers or that a dude wears sucks with his sandals. To me that's just a fashion faux pas.

Last night I was discussing my online dating conversations with a fella and how I came to the conclusion that he's an idiot and will no longer e-communicate with him.

Me: So I've decided not to talk to this dude anymore because he doesn't know how to type complete words AND sentences.

Neighbor friend: Seriously?

Me: Yeah, I'm not going to continue communication with someone who can't even spell out Y-O-U. That just tells me that he's a lazy ass and really isn't interested enough to at least spell out you.

Neighbor friend: Isn't that a bit judgemental?

Me: Yes.

Neighbor friend: Soooooooo?

Me: I have the right to be judgemental. This is my dating life. I'm not going to bring some guy into my life or my son's life that doesn't have the time to spell out words.

Neighbor friend's husband: Yeah. I'd probably do the same thing. I don't want to end up with someone who can't spell or use correct grammar. I'd just get confused.

Me: I'm confused. You're married to preggers across the table. What do you have to worry about? Stop chiming in.

Neighbor friend: Maybe you can't get a date because you're evil towards men!

Me: Probably.

Neighbor friend: So maybe you shouldn't be so judgemental. I send out text messages and e-mails with "U" for "You" and we're still friends.

Me: Yeah but I don't want to date you. It's different. Oh and I can't stand it when you do that.

Neighbor friend: Evil pregnant stare telling me that I need to stop being a judgemental pansy and give the dude a chance or else she will go crazy preggers on my ass!

Me: Ok. I'll send him one more e-mail.

What are some deal breakers for you? Or for the married folk what was a deal breaker when you were single?

Pushing the date(s)

So Melysa and I came to the consensus that it would be wiser for us to write about our dating...whatevers in November since we're....sort of lacking in that area right now.

I'll still be giving myself dating missions and if any of you want to send me on one then feel free.

Seriously.

I dare you to give me an outrageous yet legal "mission/task."

Dating Mission #2 - Date your city

Though I hate to use Sex and the City as foundation for this step I must because it's a good one.

In season 4 there's an episode where Sarah Jessica Parker's character, Carrie Bradshaw, dates her city - New York City. She goes to a movie by herself, tries to visit a museum, and meets a cute fella, even gets rained on in the process. NYC is a great city to date on a regular basis I've gone on a few dates with that city. I've always enjoyed my dates with Seattle, Oslo, London, Paris, Philadelphia, and my favorite Boston.

The funny thing is I haven't gone a date with with Honolulu yet. I could blame the Bambino for this one but that's too easy and not a good reason at all.

My reason is simply because I haven't given the whole island of Oahu, Hawai'i chance let alone the city Honolulu.

So I plan no doing so after I complete my first mission of dating myself. Or even better I can roll it all into one date. How does that sound?

How do you date your city/town/state?

Dating Mission #1 - Date Thy Self

When I was simply a single gal I used to pride on outings with my best friend, myself.

While I lived in Norway I would take off and get lost in the city - it was the best way to discover the little nooks and crannies of a new place. It was also a great way to meet the local people and just dive into the culture. I loved it.

During my time in Philadelphia I would take off to a different town in Pennsylvania every weekend or go shopping (no wonder I couldn't save any money). I would discover towns like Manayunk, Chestnut Hill, and other little towns that I can't remember the names of. Or I would go to the city to walk around the museum or go to a concert. OR I would go to a movie...by myself!

Then when I moved to Boston I did the same thing - I'd go to the city or the small towns of Massachusetts. Go to a concert or sip coffee in a cafe or skim books in independent bookstores or spoke with strangers - I just explored.

I went on dates with myself and I loved it. Seriously! Not in a, "I'm going to end up alone for the rest of my life kind of way," but more of a, "I love going anywhere whenever I want and seeing what I desired on my own time," kind of a way. My independence is very important to me.

My me time is vital.

The thing is ever since I gave birth to the Bambino I haven't really had any ME time and I've been fine with that. I loved that I spent this year getting to my son; bond with him. He is and always will be my universe.

But.

Mama needs to take herself on a date if she's really going to start dating men again.

So perhaps tomorrow evening I'll take myself to the first Friday where all of the galleries are open or Saturday evening I'll treat myself to an evening movie after all of the cleaning. Not sure but I am sure that I need to get out on my own. Catch my bearings before I agree to any dates or even think about dating really.

Actually come to think of it I'm babysitting this weekend - so maybe a quick matinee after cleaning on Saturday? Or a Monday night date night with me, myself, and I?

Ugh, I'm in no hurry.

To see the kind of adventures I used to take please visit my old photography sites:

Zenfolio

Webshots - usernames: Wildwahine21, soccerbabe_21, beachprincess21 <--Can you guess what is my favorite number?

(Images - Order by Appearance: Me @ The Taj in Boston, my birthday outing to Rockport...by myself, and the Interpol concert in 2007. Images are licensed to Restless Mama only.)

October - The stuff you wouldn't want your parents to read...month

Some of you may know that October is not only the month to celebrate the fun dress up holiday of Halloween but also the month where people get to enjoy the "O" factor.

Now, I won't be talking about my sex life this month because I'd like for my parents to continue reading this blog because I'll still have updates about the Bambino. BUT I will be writing about my dating life or my soon-to-be dating life or perhaps lack there of.

The great thing is I won't be doing this alone. My new internet buddy, Melysa of Melysa Speaks, will be joining me on this......discovery of dating as a single mama. So we'll be tag teaming but in a healthy and non-sexual way. Well, I can't speak for her. Anyway, she's a brave soul.

One MAJOR important thing to remember is that my posts this month will not be anything like Sex and the City because a) I won't be writing about my sex life, b) I don't live in the city, and c) I'm not some curly haired, uptight, man-hating, promiscuous woman confused about why he won't call me or kiss me. NONE of that will be happening on this blog.

Why? Because I don't have time to mess around with men who don't want me because I have a son. I may not have time to date often because I have a son. I will not throw myself to any man because I have a son. I don't want to spread my legs open for any man because I have a son. I have to be careful, thoughtful, and somehow open minded about dating a single mama because I have a son. Seriously, I have to be a realist when it comes to dating because I have a son.

Catch my drift?

Having the Bambino isn't the only reason that I won't go SATC on here - it's mostly because I actually love myself. I have to if I'm going to be any kind of decent mother to the Bambino. So it's because I love myself that I'm going to start dating again. Since I love myself I will only be available to a man who is available to me and the Bambino. When the Bambino's father asked me, "What are you going to do about dating? It's going to be hard finding a man who will want a single mother." My immediate response was, "I don't want to date a man who cannot see himself with me." That is because I love myself.

But don't think I'm not realistic about myself - I have my faults and I'm learning and growing everyday. I still have poundage to lose and it's not because I'm insecure or feel fat - it's the cold hard truth. I need to gain some financial independence so that I can feel like a complete provider and mother to the Bambino. Until then I don't think I can really be a sufficient enough romantic partner. I've got a lot to work on but I still think I'm pretty effin' fabulous. So that's why I think it's time to at least getting my foot into the door of the dating world.

Also photos and the man's information will not appear on this blog - I think anonymity should be upheld for whoever decides to take a chance with me.

So again why in the month of October? Well, October is the Orgasm month because many people make their "O" faces when they climax and since October is an "O" month - well there ya go.

I'd say wish me luck but that seems silly so have fun mocking me at my dating attempts! Because I will but in a nice way.