This evening I was trying to put together the humidifier so that the Mancub could breathe easier while his allergies attack him at night. All I wanted to do was put the humidifier together and provide some comfort for the little man. He cried a couple of times last night because all he wanted to do was sleep and suck on his pacifier but he couldn't because if he sucked on his pacifier then he couldnt' breathe.
So all I wanted to do tonight was make it so that he could sleep easy. But that wasn't going to happen.
I grabbed the humidifier from the linen closet, plugged in the base, poured in the menthol oil and went to put in the water. After I put water in the humidifier it and turned it right side up it started to leak. Water went everywhere. I almost slipped but my groin stretched a bit much when I turned around. While I was trying to find out what the issue was, water dripped onto my face and well menthol flavored water doesn't feel good on the eyes.
During this I was trying to warm up the water for the Mancub's shower so that he could have a pre-relief before bed. I was warming him up for a comfortable night of sleep. Or so I thought.
So the shower is running, the Mancub is in the other room protesting his shower time and the water from the humidifier is all over the bathroom floor.
Usually, USUALLY I can laugh at myself and not think much more of the situation. It's one of those situations that happens to all parents, it's comical from the outside and for the involved party at times. But tonight wasn't one of those nights.
When I came out to the living room to get the Mancub my laptop was on the floor and his toys were surrounding it and he had his milk in his hands. Who knows what he was about to do and what he had done to the laptop. And again, the water was running in the shower and there was water all over the floor.
How could this not be comical?
Except, I haven't had anyone to talk with in the past few days. I'm feeling lonely. Stressed from work. Stressed over my financial situation. Stressed over our upcoming trip. Stressed over the fact that the Mancub is biting and hitting again at daycare. I'm fucking stressed. And these small things happened tonight?
I'm thinking that if I had someone to talk with everyday over these small things, all the big things wouldn't even exist because I would have talked out all the small stressful things. But I don't. I'm in this all on my own and while I'm fine with the whole on my own concept I cannot stand the whole I feel isolated consumption.
So instead of laughing off the running and wasted water, the laptop about to be drowned by milk and the humidifier water draining all over the bathroom floor - I had a meltdown. The humidifier was cracked and so had I.
The hard thing about having a meltdown, as if having one itself isn't hard enough, is being able to reach out to someone when you're on your own. It's hard because my very bestest friends are single and without children and while they try to be understanding they just can't give those words of comfort that I need. It's also hard because people have lives. While they love and care, it's sometimes hard to listen to someone crying over a cracked humidifier.
I don't mind being solo in this remarkable journey called parenthood but at times I just feel so lonely and isolated. Like I can't find anyone who can understand what I'm going through. Sure I have mommy friends but they're all married or in stable relationships. Or if they are single then they have daughters and can't understand what it's like to raise a son. And while I'm grateful for all the people I've met online who are single parents, I just wish that I had more IRL single parent friends or daily companion to talk about my daily jazz.
Ya know so I can avoid those cracked humdifiers.
P.S. Children's Benadryl works wonders. The Mancub is breathing easy tonight. There's always a solution.