I'm not in love, I just want to be touched.

In a few posts back I mentioned that I had been intimate with a fella. I had stated that it had been amazing and it was...the first time. It had been two years and well I'm pretty sure that after a two-year celibattical (I meant to spell it that way) sex would be pretty amazing. It was good enough that the next day I sent a text to my best friend telling her that "I had sex!" And she gave me a text high-five.

The guy was all man and I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooved it. He took total control. He pulled me in for a kiss and I was hooked from there. He wanted to make sure I was having a good time which was a nice change from how the Mancub's father went about our intimate moments. Don't get me wrong those were great times but it was all about him. Where with this guy it was for the both of us. He even reached out for my hand afterwards - even when I pulled away right after he said, "Don't treat me like a piece of meat, Al". It was nice. He was nice.

The second time wasn't as great as the first time but it was still great. And that was it. Just twice. Which is good enough for me. I guess. But it isn't. I want more but I stopped it. My libido is back in full swing and I no longer have a mans to tone it down - just a bit. But that's what exercise is for, right? Except I'm not exercising. I'm EATING instead! Bah!

Anyway, how'd it all start? Well, we've known each other for a while...since after the Mancub's first birthday. I never thought much about him. I just thought of him as that tall guy with the long hair. But then he started flirting with me a few months back - like February? But I didn't flirt back because he had a girlfriend and well I just don't roll like that. Remember my rules? No romance with coworkers and romantically involved men, ESPECIALLY the married sort.

For some reason the past two years romantically involved men just seem to think it's OK to hit on me. That a whole other story.

Anyway, one night he was flirting through text - oh yeah that's totally lame by the way, I think that's why it took me a while to consider returning the gesture - and I decided to just go with the flow. After enjoying a few drinks with my friends that is. Why did I need some fermented help? Because I'm still carrying my baby weight and the dude is cute and has tattoos! Tattoos!!!!!!!!!! So why would fit, good looking, tattoo fella be interested in chubby single mama, me?

I sent him a text back.

Perhaps we could've gone on more but the situation was just too complicated and I don't need anymore complications in my life. He's a single dad. I'm a single mom. He's not sure what's going on with his dead end relationship (he claims that they're not together but they still live together, oh and I saw them driving together yesterday and noticed he was trying to be sneaky - that's right I saw you dude! Ugh, that makes me sound like a crazy person. It's cool I'll take the title for a moment), he's trying to figure out what he's going to do with his life and I just don't have time for that. Plus, I think he's just a bit too flaky for my taste.

I'm at a point where I'm really happy with where I am in life. I know what direction I'm headed in my career. The Mancub and I are happy as a two person family. And I'm enjoying soccer and trying to get back into shape. Although, I could stand to not eat my feelings when I'm feeling....jazzy. Anyway, I just know who I am and don't really have time for any type of bullshit.

So I stopped it. Though sometimes I wish I hadn't only because I'd like to be touched. Or maybe even snuggled by man arms. I wouldn't mind having him as a Maintenance Man but it would be nice if it were someone a bit more stable. Anyway, not my ideal way of reentering the dating world but it's still not that bad of a reintroduction into the world of dating, intimacy and sex. It was nice to be intimate with someone and have someone in my bed to talk about adult things. He was nice enough to do that too, talk afterwards. It was a nice post-coitus act, we were able to be intimate with each other after being intimate. Yeah, not too shabby of a reintroduction at all.

We'll see how the rest of the journey goes.