My light bulbs

Regret is something that I try to keep out of my daily vocabulary because I don't have any, sure I have those "if I knew then what I know now" thoughts but that's just it. It's too bad that I wasn't born Brahman but with each mistake I gain a lesson. Sometimes I have to learn a lesson multiple times like the wrong kind of fella or spending too much money but eventually things click and I fix whatever it is that I need to work on.

So here is what I've learned:

• Not to make snap decisions. Think about my options because what I think is best for my son and I may not be;
• Have more than what I think will be enough in my bank account when moving or just have more in the emergency fund than I really think I need;
• Though indulgence is nice, is it really going to be worth me feeling like a cow? No.;
• If I really want something then work hard for it;
• Not to let other's people's view of me change how I feel about myself;
• Stand up for myself. Never let a man (or people in general) tell me that I'm fat and worthless. Never let anyone tell me that I'm a bad mother or that I have bad values;
• Hang up the phone if the conversation is too heated and going nowhere (but of course tell the person that I can't have this conversation right now because I really don't feel like screaming and having my fetus hear & feel the tension or that I'm just sick of crying on the phone);
• No more self-centered men or tortured souls. I just don't have the time;
• Not to let anyone scare me. After giving birth to Aidan....no one really intimidates me...except for my dad...he's a pretty tough nugget. I love you Dad!;
• Not to scream in the car and think that it's totally ok. It's not for me or the person in the car next to me. It also may be the last conversation you have with that person (thankfully that didn't happen for me);
• Be patient. One really learns patience once they have children;
• Don't move into an apartment just because it's fabulous and right on the border of affordability and un-affordibility;
• Be confident with myself in relationships - Other ladies checkin' out my fella? Great, why wouldn't they? He was (I use past tense since we are no longer together) one good lookin' guy and the kindest;
• Be more attentive to my friends and family - right now I'm not doing such a great job. One of these days I'll be in the same time zone as the people I love most;
• Go to class. It's not that hard, you love learning so why don't you just go to class?;
• Enjoy my future pregnancies (if any do occur) to the fullest and don't even think twice about what other think about me. I wish I had taken more baby bump photos;
• Use cocoa butter moisturizer!!!! Freakin' books and doctors - I could've saved my stomach from this catastrophe called stretch marks;
• Don't listen to people when it comes to baby names, in fact don't even tell the public what the baby name will be. Linus was a pretty stellar name but I do love the name Aidan - my little fire ball;
• Only make time for people you know will make time for you;
• Let out my frusturation then and there because later on all of my frusturations will pour out to an incomprehensible explosion of tears and babble;
• Most importantly, learn to relax especially when I'm pregnant. I could've saved myself from epidural, magnesium, and pitocin and had the natural birth I wanted if I had just learned how to relax.

I'm sure I have many more lessons ahead of me but this is what I've learned so far. What lessons have you had to learn?

What's a mama to do?

Since I'm getting off early today I will pick up the bambino at the regular time and plan on doing one of these during my 2 hours of me time:

1. Take a nap
2. Read & research for articles
3. Watch the tele
4. Go for a run
5. Write
6. Call Aunty Starfish or Aunty Funk Princess
7. Drive around aimlessly

Which sounds more appealing? Hmm...

Get a load of this guy...

That's right people, he's pretty much the cutest baby EVER!  Look at his recent mug shots:

Aidan eatin' his Gerber puffs, he loves these things!  Those and Mum mums.

Who knew books could taste so good?

What's behind door #1?

Bambino getting ready to go golfing.

Cutest bambino ever!

Squirming, rejection, and patience

Aidan turned 8 months last week Wednesday, I can't believe he's that much closer to turning ONE! Some developments since his last updated:

• He's crawling! Full-on crawling all over, whenever, and on whoever (seriously he'll crawl over you to get to his destination if need be).
• He's also climbing and pulling himself up on everything. He's quite the little explorer.
• "Dada" and "Yeah"- this could break my heart but I'm not really thinking he really knows what he's saying. Aidan still babbles but he throws in a couple "dadas" here and there but when I say "Mama" he gives me a big smile and...
• Gives kisses, sure they're open-mouthed but he's kissin' ya when he's got his mouth on your face. They're precious and I can't get enough of them.
• He rejected me for the first time last Thursday when I picked him up from the babysitter's house. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because it seriously was funny & heartbreaking all at once. She was holding him and when I reached for him he wasn't having anything to do with that. Oh well, I've got many more years of rejection to come with him....
• Aidan likes to squirm during diaper changes and it doesn't matter if I give him something to occupy him while I change him....little bum! The only thing that he enjoys while I change his diaper is the replacement diaper and as soon as I take that to put it on him....he's squiriming again. So what should be a quick 20 second change turns into a 2-minute fiasco. I thought I had patience but now I've really developed some since this.
• He's starting to sleep through the night in his new crib which is so great! Before he was sleeping in his swing, which he loves (what baby doesn't love to be rocked to sleep?) but I'm just very thankful that he can sleep from 7:30 pm until 4am. Now if I can just get him to sleep until 5am then we'll be all set. This mama doesn't want to have to wake up earlier than she needs.
• The bambino loves playing with his toys and making toys out of ordinary things, like a remote or cell phone. I only let him play with the cell phone while it's turned off but he loves it when I'm talking to Poppie & Grandma, or Aunty Megs, or Aunty Brooke. He tries really hard to rip it from my hands. Little thief. I also like to give him his spoon and bowl after he's through eating his oatmeal - a nice drum set for babies.
• He's learned the word, "No," and he does not like it at all. One time I was teaching him his body parts and when I got to his nose he thought I was saying "No." Poor thing. So I try to just say it when he's getting into something he shouldn't be.
• Bossy, bossy, bossy. That's all I have to say about that.
• And finally he's turned into a major cuddle bug, I mean he was before but this is major. He loves to be snuggled and just hang out in mama's lap. He loves to be held my his Uncle Lou (Eddie, my younger brother...we've nicknamed him) and tickled and just touched. Every baby loves to feel like they're loved but he really, really loves it. I like that he's a cuddle bug. He's got such a wonderful personality.

So that's the news on the bambino for now. I'm trying to find some decorations for his 1st Birthday...I've got the themed picked out but now it's the finding decent and reasonably priced decorations for the fiesta. The theme will be revealed at a later date. I'm just so excited that I had no problem picking one.

Photos of the bambino will be posted later this evening.

The view from here

My intention on this post was that I was going to publish it for a contest for the Parent Bloggers Network but with the busy schedule that I had this weekend; there just wasn't anytime. Though this was meant for a contest I still want to share with you "my best view."
Looking at Aidan through any lens is my best view but I sure do have a lot of fun looking at him through the viewfinder of my camera. He has been curious about the camera ever since I started taking photos of him. Lately, he's been very grabby with the camera which makes for some fun views. Sometimes I'll get a fishbowl view or sometimes it's a paparazzi shot or sometimes I'll just get one like below, cute and curious.

More evidence of my favorite view can be found at my photography website --read online shoebox-- there's thousands of photos of him and it's not just because he's so stinkin' cute. Aidan really loves the camera, as soon as he hears the shutter he comes bolting to the camera. Also, when I look at the photos I just can't help but smile when I see them. He brings so much joy to my life because he is filled with so much of it.

Decision. Made. Finally.

On the title of my blog that is. Originally, I didn't want to use "Restless Mama" because it can have negative connotations -- anxious mother or mom who can't make up her mind -- but I just went for it.

Reasons: It's true, I am the type of person who has trouble making up her mind at times. The reason for that? Because I always feel obligated to do the right thing but trying to decide what is the right thing is a bit challenging. This is due to the fact that I see many sides to one thing which can make a person very indecisive. Another reason is because I never want to hurt anyone's feelings so I try to consider all factors before coming up with a decision.

Examples of my indecisiveness:

• What I want to do when I "grow up" - In college I started out "wanting" --read was good at-- to be a Sports Medicine Doctor, then I a religious studies professor, or business owner. When actually I knew what I wanted to do but decided not to major in it because my ex-boyfriend was getting his degree in the same thing (totally lame I know. first & last time i make a decision out of bitterness and broken heart).
• Deciding what I was going to do with my son in terms of carrying through with the pregnancy or not. If I went through with the pregnancy would I raise him or give him up for adoption? I went back and forth trying to decide what to do. One week I was going to terminate the other I was going to give him up for adoption. Then the thought process went from if it's a girl I'll raise her and if a boy he'll be given up for adoption.
• Coming home to Seattle. I'm coming home, no I'm not coming home -- I'm going to San Francisco or Philadelphia or New York City or Boston.

What did I really want to major in? (photo)Journalism. Why? I love to write, photograph, travel, learn about new cultures, inform people, and have always wanted a way to work from home and raise my children and greet my hetero-life partner when he came home from work. I'm working towards that dream.

As for the pregnancy and raising the child? As soon as I heard his heartbeat I knew I wanted to raise him and when his father and I went in for the ultrasound to find out his sex; I already knew he was going to be a boy and that I would love him forever. He had been in my dreams since I found out I was pregnant.

Home, I'll get there soon.

I'm sometimes a bit slow at making a decision or sometimes I'm constantly changing my mind but I always find an answer that works. Trial and error; a way of life for me. I hope that the bambino will have more focus and won't let anyone get in his way of his dreams but also realize that life is full of change and that's ok.

Welcome to Restless Mama.

I'm official

Watch out Examiner.com!

It's not what I had hoped for my first article/post but it's a start and pretty decent for (holy crap I need a topic for my first article!) last minute.

Check it out here.

More to come, I'm supposed to do 4-6 a week. Yowzah! Did I really know what I was getting into when I signed up for this? Of course. This is what I want to do. Let's look into the future about 5 years: "What's that NY Times you want me to write my own column?" or "Christiane Amanpour, I'm not sure that I can do lunch anytime this month. Will the fall work for you?" Looks good to me. *wink*

So click on it as much as you can or 5 million times and read my other articles/posts to come....help this mama make some extra cash so that she can start a 529 Savings Plan for her bambino and get a haircut.

Bedtime now.

7-Elevens

I've noticed that 7-Elevens are different in each country/region/state. While living in San Diego I remember hot dogs and breakfast sandwiches being the main "hot meal" at the cash register counter. Then in Norway it was hot dogs, raisin buns, and calzones. Here in Hawai'i it's musubi and manapua (steamed or baked).

What's in your 7-Eleven?