January 8, 2010

Message to the universe

While driving to pick up the Bambino from daycare I notice a man-jogger. A shirtless man-jogger. A hot and sweaty shirtless man-jogger with sexy six-pack abs! And that's when I pull a fender-bender from checking out said man-jogger.

Not really, but almost.

So back in October I thought perhaps I was ready to date because the Bambino had turned one-year-old the previous month and I had devoted a whole year to just him and no other man. But really I wasn't. His father was still on my mind, as in I was still a bit angry with him and well Mr. Perfect was still in my heart.

Not anymore.

This holiday season I sent the Bambino's father a holiday card with a photo of the little manchild and a kind note. I don't expect to hear from him. Ever. It was my own bit of closure.

As for Mr. Perfect? Well, he's still perfect - my ideal man but not reality. I've finally come to terms that while we both have some of the same ideals and views on life, society, the world - we both definitely want different things in life. He is a stable man, while I am a restless woman with incredible wanderlust. He is firm in his beliefs, while I can't help but keep changing my mind. He is there and I am here. And the list goes on. He is someone who will be a perfect godparent for the Bambino should anything ever happen to me. It is because he is the ideal man that he will be the only man, besides my dad that I would entrust the Bambino with if I were no longer here on this Earth to be with my little lovebug. Mr. Perfect will always hold a special place in my heart but my heart is finally ready (almost 7 years later) to fully open up to a different man.

I'm finally ready for Mr. Here-right-now. Mr. Makes-me-laugh-a-lot! Mr. Accept-me-for-who-I-am. Mr. Loves-me-and-the-Bambino. Mr. Real.

I thought I would wait until I lost some weight, ya know, got the slammin' MILF body. But I don't want to date a man who only wants to be with me because I have a nice body and look pretty. I don't want end up with a fella who is going to make me feel like turd piles because of cellulite. I also don't want to date a guy who is going to not understand that the Bambino comes first.

Right now, I'm happy with where I am in life. I've got a beautiful little manchild who still loves to give me hugs and kisses - who still runs after me if I try to go to the bathroom without him. We have a roof over our heads. We've got some great family surrounding us. We've got beautiful friends. I'm meeting fantastic new people everyday. I can provide for my little manchild. Life is good and I'm really happy with where I am right now. Even with my body - while I still work to lose weight and get healthy I can't help but feel good in my new Michael Kors jeans. These jeans make my ass look great! and they make me feel great too. Anyway...my heart is open.

I'm ready universe!

Consider my message sent (and sealed with a kiss).

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