Decision. Made. Finally.

On the title of my blog that is. Originally, I didn't want to use "Restless Mama" because it can have negative connotations -- anxious mother or mom who can't make up her mind -- but I just went for it.

Reasons: It's true, I am the type of person who has trouble making up her mind at times. The reason for that? Because I always feel obligated to do the right thing but trying to decide what is the right thing is a bit challenging. This is due to the fact that I see many sides to one thing which can make a person very indecisive. Another reason is because I never want to hurt anyone's feelings so I try to consider all factors before coming up with a decision.

Examples of my indecisiveness:

• What I want to do when I "grow up" - In college I started out "wanting" --read was good at-- to be a Sports Medicine Doctor, then I a religious studies professor, or business owner. When actually I knew what I wanted to do but decided not to major in it because my ex-boyfriend was getting his degree in the same thing (totally lame I know. first & last time i make a decision out of bitterness and broken heart).
• Deciding what I was going to do with my son in terms of carrying through with the pregnancy or not. If I went through with the pregnancy would I raise him or give him up for adoption? I went back and forth trying to decide what to do. One week I was going to terminate the other I was going to give him up for adoption. Then the thought process went from if it's a girl I'll raise her and if a boy he'll be given up for adoption.
• Coming home to Seattle. I'm coming home, no I'm not coming home -- I'm going to San Francisco or Philadelphia or New York City or Boston.

What did I really want to major in? (photo)Journalism. Why? I love to write, photograph, travel, learn about new cultures, inform people, and have always wanted a way to work from home and raise my children and greet my hetero-life partner when he came home from work. I'm working towards that dream.

As for the pregnancy and raising the child? As soon as I heard his heartbeat I knew I wanted to raise him and when his father and I went in for the ultrasound to find out his sex; I already knew he was going to be a boy and that I would love him forever. He had been in my dreams since I found out I was pregnant.

Home, I'll get there soon.

I'm sometimes a bit slow at making a decision or sometimes I'm constantly changing my mind but I always find an answer that works. Trial and error; a way of life for me. I hope that the bambino will have more focus and won't let anyone get in his way of his dreams but also realize that life is full of change and that's ok.

Welcome to Restless Mama.