It's one day until it's been a month since Aidan's arrival into this world. How do I describe the experience thus far? A learning experience.
While in the hospital I had Aidan room in with me so that I could learn his cries and stare at him whenever I wanted ;o) I think I only had him go to the nursery once so I could catch up on sleep which helped but I missed him for those four hours that he was away from me.
When we came back home it was a bit difficult because I was afraid I would "F" things up outside of the hopsital without the sterlization and help of the top notch nurses - who was going to help me get Aidan to latch on when nursing or answer my questions? He would cry and I wouldn't understand why, I had nursed him, changed his diaper, and burped him. Why was this little person crying? All his crying made me want to cry because I felt so incompetent as a mother to comfort my son. The good thing is with time and patience I've learned more about him and am better able to care for the little guy - a month later and things are much smoother.
As for bonding with Aidan, I felt an instant connection with him the moment he was placed in my arms and his eyes met mine. Until this week I was having a hard time with the transition period of being a single gal to mother but I didn't know it. I knew I loved my son but I wasn't sure why I wasn't feeling like a mom yet. Then one of my friends asked the tough question and it helped me realize why I was feeling a bit blank. During the transition period I felt so much love for Aidan that I could have bit his cute little bottom (but wouldn't of course) but still felt a bit empty. Perhaps it was the conversation but I now feel like a mom but still not in the conventional way (though I'm not sure that I'll ever feel like a "conventional mother") but in my own way; I'm proud to be the mother of my son and I have so much love. I'm excited for the times to come - when he smiles in response to his environment (though I totally think he does now, forget those people who say it's just gas), when he learns to roll over, or sit up on his own.
The little fella has strong legs, he's able to "stand" with me holding him for a few a minute at the longest though usually just a few seconds. He likes to hang out on the activity mat exploring all of the colors (gives me time to eat a bowl of cereal and enjoy his cooing). He makes funny sounds like grunting or a cute little moan while he's sleeping; he's quite the vocal little man. Swaddling was a dislike for a week but he enjoys being swaddled again. I love holding him in my arms while he sleeps. We're experts at nursing now - he cracks me up when he loses the latch, he does this cute little head shake while making a "I've lost you come back" sound. Diaper changing has gotten better - less surprise squirtings - we've evolved from crying to cooing while I change him. When we go for walks he falls asleep within one minute; I love having him in the carrier (we haven't used the stroller yet). It's great that I'm able to bring comfort to his life. He just brings so much joy to my life.
On Fridays we go to a play/parenting group. He doesn't play with the other babies yet but he does sleep in the carrier while I talk with other parents. I don't have much of an opinion about it yet but I'm the youngest mom and the other parents are uber nice.
So that's the update for now. More to follow at a later date.