Most hope for a new beginning that leads to happiness and a year of hope.
This New Year's Eve I had decided that I was going to find a way to get back to the West Coast. Not Seattle but somewhere in Oregon or California.....well I'll be honest: San Francisco. I hadn't lived there yet and it just seemed perfect, it's on the West Coast, it has culture, and it's something new. The bonus is that my best friend Brooke will be moving there so we could finally live in the same city together...something that we've been wanting to do since we graduated high school. We made it to the East Coast together but it isn't the same as living in the same city.
Anyway, as most of you know I will not be making it to the West Coast this year. I don't look at it as a sad thing though because I am staying on the East Coast to carry out my pregnancy and give birth to a healthy baby boy! I will make it to San Francisco but just not this year. The plan is to stay in Boston for another year and then head West.
But enough about my plans for the West Coast. That's the thing about life, you can make all the plans you want but eventually your plans are going to have to change to accomodate what's really going on with your life.
On to the most exciting thing that has happened to me! The little man that's growing inside of me. I am now in my 5th month and poppin' out. The first trimester wasn't too bad, I really just became a really picky eater.....only crackers, orange juice, broccoli, and fruits could get me through the day. Anything else like meat or heavy foods just looked fake and disgusting. I only vomitted twice but felt nauseus everyday until I put some food in my stomach.
Right now the second trimester is much easier though I still have a hard time brushing my teeth without wanting to gag. Listerine is now my best friend. The little man is healthy and growing at the rate he's supposed to. I'm walking everyday to ensure some kind of exercise. Hopefully, when I find a new apartment I'll be able to have time to do prenatal yoga or a swim class as I get bigger. This is perhaps the healthiest I've been since Norway. I want to be healthy so my baby is healthy.
Everyone once in a while I can feel movement though I'm not sure if he's kicking just because or if he's uncomfortable with my seating position. It's a good thing that I don't sit at my desk all day because 1) I'm sure my bottom would get flatter; 2) the baby would be stuck in one position; and 3) I would die of boredom.
Speaking of my job, everyone in the office knows and the majority are very supportive. I continue to work hard and give 110%. Actually, I've bumped it up to 120% which people at work say I should slow down a bit but I need to continue to work hard. I just hope that it isn't affecting the baby too much.
For the most part I try to remain in a "zen" like attitude but at times I get stressed. Breathing is very important so I just try to take deep breaths when I feel overwhelmed.
The father, Tim, has come up with a great first name for the baby. Linus! Yes, just like the Peanuts character. I think it's quite quirky but oh so cute. Linus is greek for flax but I like to think it's amazing for brave. He will have a strong hawaiian name Kamaka'something. I haven't figured it out yet. With the help of my aunty and cousin I'm sure we'll find a strong name for him with the family name.
Kamaka is my mom's maiden name and I always felt that when I had kids that one of my boys would have Kamaka in his name. It means "the eye". For example, Kamaka'aina is overseer of the land, or Kamaka'honu is the eye of the turtle. To me, the name is a strong and bold. I'm very proud to have it as a family name and very thankful that my mom is allowing me to use it.
So, Linus Kamaka'(TBD) Sperber. I think it will flow quite well.
I know that having a baby out of wedlock is unconventional in many parts of the world but in a way I'm happy to have this baby under this circumstance. I've always wanted my children to carry my name, Sperber.
Sperber is german for Sparrow Hawk but it isn't the origin that is important. It is about the man who was gracious enough to give me his last name and call me his daughter. Melvin E. Sperber, Jr. This man, my dad, has provided me the beautiful tools to have an amazing life. I know that this isn't the path he had hoped for but I am confident that deep down inside he is confident that I will make the best out of this situation because he raised me to be strong, resourceful, and loving. He didn't have to adopt me but something inside him created an unconditional love for me and the same happened for me. That is why it was so important for me to give my children my last name, Sperber. Sure, it isn't as beautiful as other last names out there but that's the superficial part of it. Under the surface the name is one of the great beauties of my life.
So, I know many men are progressive and perhaps wouldn't mind their children having the mother's name as a last name but a part of me would also feel bad for stripping them of the great honor of giving their children their last name as well. Hyphons maybe? Perhaps, if that was something we'd both want to do.
Anyway, it is important for me to ensure that my children have my last name because I think it's so stinkin' amazing!
Well, I believe that's the news as I know it. There's much more to share but I need to clean up a bit and do some apartment hunting.
Until next time.