February 21, 2007

I'm trippin' out...

I'm trippin' out..... Current mood: hopeful Category: Romance and Relationships
Okay, so I've met a fella. He's real grand. That's right, I just typed, "he's real grand." He is. Pretty much, I've come to the conclusion that I'll fuck it up. We've been "courting" for a month. Things are good. Nothing weird or freaky. Yet, I am freaking out! Earlier today I asked my friends if I could go back to being in love with a certain someone since I knew where things were going with him but I was told it was a dead end. Exactly, the reason as to why I want to go back to that. I knew the result and it was safe. But, I'm not in love with him and I'm not in love with anyone right now but I'm totally freaked out about the possibility. The whole vulnerable thing...so not for me! I've cut off emotions from guys for the past three years and have enjoyed the safety of my heart not being crushed. And now I like someone....A LOT and so now I have to open myself to the possibility of heart break? Oh my fucking god!!!! Someone please just put me in a bubble. I realize that I shouldn't be freaking out but this is me. I freak out when I can't control something. For me freaking out I feel that I'm actually doing a good job. I'm remaining cool and collected on the outside but on the inside...whoa! It's a Braveheart battle scene. How do I do this? How do I like someone without freaking out? How do I just go with the flow? How, how, how?!?!?!? Someone, please help me with this. How do I go from three years of emotion-less life to being open to the possibilities of greatness and pain? Seriously, how? I repeat, I realize I shouldn't be freaking out and all but I don't know how to handle liking someone so much. Okay, that's the end. This has been some terrible writing. I'm going to go do........something....knit a sweater....save a racoon from Sparky.....or hide.

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